I'm Not Your Toy
by LateyGaga
Summary: AU: Logan Mitchell went through alot in his life, but he'd never say anything, cause that would be rude. But when a tall blonde shakes up that idea, can he hold onto his sanity long enough to fall in love. Please Review.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I really hope you enjoy it because it was kind of hard to write; the ideas came to me, but *spoiler* I had to research the disease Logan had to try to logically do things in his head. The things we'll do to write a good story. Anyway, I tried a different writing style for this one because it's a little more complex than LiM ever was. They're both main characters, not just Logan. If it's normal writing, it's Logan's perspective (or something/someone to do with Logan), if it's underlined, its Kendall's perspective (or something/someone to do with Kendall). And also, if you loved lesbian, awesome Jo in the last one, than you'll hate mega bitch, straight Jo. Sorry. Oh, and sorry if some of the views come off extreme, but it's kind of an extremes story. Hope you stick with it cause I think it's gonna be good. Then again, what am I worried about, you guys are awesome. Luv ya. XoXo**

Logan Mitchell knew his parents loved him, they just had more important things to do than spend time with their son. It never really bothered him either; he was a bright child and immediately, he understood how important their work was. He was a doctor; she a lawyer. They were doing the right thing, helping people, so it didn't bother him that much that they weren't around. And he would have never said anything. That would be rude.

Logan knew he was safe with his babysitter, Gina, even if she never really paid that much attention to him. She had more important things to take care, like friends and socializing which he knew was important. He liked to watch her put on make-up or straighten her hair when she'd go out on a date after her babysitting job, but if she told Logan to go away, of course he would follow her command. She was a superior and her orders were to be followed, not just heard. And he would have never said anything. That would be rude.

When students wouldn't talk to him or would make fun of him, it never truly bothered him. He was effeminate; he was small and he knew they were right. Who would want to willingly be friends with the nerdy, gay kid who was also anti-social? They knew what they were doing and were climbing the social ladder absolutely correctly, while he obviously was not. And he would have never said anything. That would be rude.

When he came out to his parents that he was gay in the summer of the ninth grade and they sent him to Gay Reparative camp to emerge straight again, like god intended, he knew they were right. One was a doctor and the other was a lawyer; they were the smartest people around, so of course they were right. Logan knew that being gay was a sin and that was the root to all his problems. They knew what they were doing and were doing what was right by him like all parents should. Logan felt bad for the kids whose parents accepted who they were without question or challenge. They could never succeed cause they had no order or hierarchy; they did not know how to adapt to what life was. And he would have never said anything. That would be rude.

So one morning when he was at camp and was being harassed by a councilor to stop putting his hands on his hips like a woman, he had decided to listen, but something in the back of his head said not too. Something said to rebel because this was wrong. Any true intellectual would have asked questions and seeked truth; yet again, Logan had failed to be the best he could be. That was the first time his fragile personality split. It started after he excused himself to the restroom for whatever reason he created to appease his councilor. He needed a moment to himself urgently. Looking in the mirror, he realized that maybe what he did in life was wrong; blindly following orders without questioning them had gotten him nowhere. An abusive baby-sitter, neglecting parents, and a hostile situation at High School; those were the only things that came of his life.

And in a bout of anger, he shouted at himself, _"You're pathetic. Worth Nothing. Every single person was right about you so why won't you just go away."_

The next minute, his fist was profusely bleeding from glass cutting into it. Logan had punched out a mirror in the bathroom. He ran out of the bathroom and was confronted by a camp guide who saw him 'whining like a sissy boy' because his fist hurt. So with the glass still buried in his fist, he punched her in the cheek, cutting straight across her face like claws. She passed out from the smell of blood and wasn't found for a few more hours after things really went down. Yelling and screaming through the camp as he flailed his bloody hand, something inside of him broke; well a few things. His Spirit. His Will. His Heart. His Sanity. For in that one instant of rebellion, Logan Mitchell had split his personality and mind into a million different shards of glass. Running into the kitchen and grabbing a large butcher knife, Logan went and stepped up onto the middle of a picnic table with the blade to his throat. One voice in his head screamed at him to kill himself. Another said to kill everyone else. Another farther back was pleading with him to calm down and put the knife down; they would make it together, but Logan no longer wanted to make it. He wanted sweet relief that only death could bring him anymore, but the question was, who exactly had to die. He wasn't really threatening anyone, but himself, yet people were on their knees crying and screaming, pleading with the councilors to give up and call the cops. No one wanted to see a fifteen year old boy kill himself in front of a large group of other teenagers. It'd be bad press for the camp; still, the head councilo, who was also the main preacher at the church that helped fund the camp, refused to give up; he had an entirely different idea on how to get rid of the situation without a scene. That's when a tall, beefier blond kid showed up at the picnic table scene; his hair was a beautiful shade of dirty blonde, almost brown and had eyebrows that stuck out like a rose in a sunflower patch. He was unique and gorgeous, with a quirky smile that caught Logan's attention immediately.

"_Come any closer and I swear I'll do it," _Logan shouted angrily at the blonde, not willing to give up yet. Someone had to die, it was the only way to repair the damage that was his life, "Please, Please, don't come closer, I don't want to die." _"Shut up"_ he shouted into the air, _"This is why you are here in the first place. You're a spineless, good for nothing shit. Do it so everyone can just move on."_ Logan burst into tears when he heard that one and started to loosely swing the knife past his knees; everyone immediately backed up, but the smirking blonde.

"Hey, cutey," the blonde started, coming up slowly to grab the knife, the smile still spread across his face, "If I received a nickel for every time I saw something beautiful, I'd have five cents about now wouldn't I."

Logan blushed and smiled when he heard that, still swinging the knife while the boy approached; it gave him this weird feeling to see someone like him saying it to someone as worthless as himself. "_Stop,_" he heard again in a gruff tone, _"do it now before he stops you. This is your chance pussy, finish the mess everyone in your life's already started."_ Logan started to draw the knife back up when the boy took another step closer.

"Hold a minute, I'm not done with you yet either," the blonde said, still seemingly angelic with swooped hair and a smirk that could win anyone over. "There are about twenty angels in this world, you know; 11 are playing, 8 are sleeping and I think I see one right in front of me." Logan blushed and looked away when the voice came back.

"_NO, no, what the hell is taking so long, he's lying, no one loves you, he just wants you to let him do it himself."_

"Don't listen to him," the blonde boy said, climbing up onto the steps of the table to grasp Logan's hand, "Do you have a map, because I keep getting lost in those chocolaty eyes of yours."

*blush* another hand goes over the swinging knife.

"I hope you know CPR, cause you take my breath away."

*smile* and the knife is handed to someone on the side of the blonde boy.

"While we've been standing here, I've been wondering, do your lips taste as good as they look."

*blush deeper* and Logan's hands meet the Blonde boys to come down from the table while sirens could be heard in the distance. Logan started to look for them when the teen with the eyebrows started again.

"I must be a snowflake because I've fallen for you."

They both stepped off the table together while the blonde boy put his arm around the smaller one's hips to draw him closer, still smirking and keeping up with the lines.

"You know, I always thought diamonds were pretty, but I must not have looked into your eyes."

Logan leaned onto the blonde boy's chest as the camp watched in wonderment and the EMS truck showed up, sirens flashing. The dark haired boy started to get distressed when the Blonde pulled him in tight and distracted him again.

"The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name, beautiful," he hugged the smaller boy closer, they're faces only a foot apart.

"Do you really want to know," Logan responded, somehow shutting up all the other voices.

"Actually, I do," the blonde said, squeezing him tight back into the embrace when the ambulance started to run out with a cart looking for injured people.

"Logan, Logan Mitchell," the small boy piped when the rescuers brought up the injured councilor, but the blonde had to keep him distracted. 

"Yeah, I'm Kendall, Kendall Knight, apparently the luckiest guy in the world after meeting you," he said it as caringly as possible to keep the brown eyed boy from paying attention to the shouting in the truck. "But in a minute, they're gonna take you to go fix that hand up and get you all back to normal."

"You're leaving me?" Logan said in a panic, the voices starting to grow louder.

"Of course not; I'll be next to you when you wake up after being taking care of. I swear." This made the boy, Logan, blush a crimson red that actually looked like it hurt, but Kendall had to keep him busy not to freak out.

"Hey, I got a bunch of skittles in my mouth; wanna taste the rainbow," he said it, leaning into the petite boys forehead and giving him a light kiss. 

Logan giggled, not exactly understanding why this boy he'd just met was being so nice, or flirty for that matter, but it didn't matter. It felt really good, "Actually, I love skittles," purred out Logan, who reached for the blonde boy, Kendall's, face and pulling it to his own for a kiss.

At first, the blonde tried to resist, but when they're lips collided, he couldn't, instead getting deeper into it to the point of tasting the smaller teens lips. And then the dark haired teen past out in his arms. The Emergency workers behind Logan pulled the needle out of his arm and grabbed the boy from Kendall.

"Good job son, that was nice acting," the big one with a mustache said to Kendall, "And tell your father that this won't get out. But Officer Johnson over here will need to take statements, so wait here; and don't feel bad about kissing the boy, you're a hero. You did a disgusting act and violated yourself to save people. That's Jesus working in you boy." Kendall smiled as they pulled the Ambulance truck away and the police car stayed, but something still felt off to Kendall. Yeah, he'd done it to save the camp at first, but this time was different. He'd seen other camp leaders and kids do the same thing to some nut case here, but it never was that easy. Inevitably, someone would always get hurt; it was just part of the camp, obviously god's way of warning against choosing the gay lifestyle. Knowing you were outlawed form heaven would drive anyone crazy, Kendall thought, but everything felt strange right now. 

His long time girlfriend, Jo, ran out to hug him and give him a kiss for doing so well to protect the kids. He was a true camp hero, so when he squeezed her ass, she didn't get upset this time. Kendall knew he could do anything at this moment because he was a savior. But, something felt off. Something felt different in him, like a click happened. Kendall was straight and he knew it; he loved tits; he loved cars; he loved football; he loved Jesus. He was a full, red blooded American, but every time he kissed a girl, he'd never felt anything more than just a need for sex. Anything would do really, he was so hot-and-heavy sometimes. But it wasn't like that when the petite boy had kissed him; there was hunger and need and not only did he feel it, but it was coming off of him. Yet that wasn't right; loving another man was against nature and god and he knew that better than anyone. He was the preacher's son for god's sake and he'd seen how homos ended up. Still, the kiss was like nothing he'd ever experienced before. And that was the first day that Kendall Knight, Preacher's son and Red blooded American, started to question his sexuality.


	2. Chapter 2

Logan woke up in a hospital bed, his wrist's chained to both sides of the surrounding bars, when his eyes first fluttered open to look for the blonde boys face. But instead, he saw emptiness. He saw white walls and blue chairs and a big TV on on the right side of the room with a Kid's show on. Yet nothing seemed to matter in the moment because Kendall, the boy who Logan had been saved by, wasn't there for him. Instead, a rather plump woman was hovering over him with needles and so on.

"He's awake Docta Lane," the woman said with a Yankee accent, "you can bring the Social Worka in now." Logan was still so confused to what was going on; all he remembered was how incredibly amazing his kiss with the Blonde boy was. It was breathe-taking.

"Hi Logan," a second woman said who was knocking at the door, this one taller and thinner, like a rail with long brown hair and bronzed skin. "I'm Misses Hall; I'm a worker for the state. We believe that you have been put at danger at home and after extensive investigation, we have enough evidence to pull you. The final piece is you consenting to help the case against the Mitchells."

"With all due respect," Logan began, still so confused of the unfolding events, "May I ask what you are accusing my parents of." Then a cry went into the air, _"You know exactly what they did to you Logan; they neglected you and let that stupid girl hurt you in front of them. You're better off." "Shut up, don't say a single word, we're going home and you're going to take the beating like a man."_ "Please, Please help me Ms. Hall, you heard what they said, you know what they've done. I can't go home," he screeched, digging his nails deep into his scalp in an attempt to shut the voices in his head up.

She was clenching the wall in horror after realizing that the young boy had broken the handcuffs that were chained to his bed in all his anger and pain. This wasn't normal; what had these people done to this small teen. He wasn't muscular or big, he was actually quite petite with beautiful features, and it scared the woman that his mental state had broken down to this matter. "I swear to god honey, I won't let them ever hurt you again if you help me. I'm going to sit right here next to you and I won't leave until you get everything they did to you off your chest." And so Logan started divulging every secret he was told to keep. How Gina would burn him with the iron when he wouldn't listen or how his parent insulted him with how 'faggy' he dressed every day and Ms. Hall listened in horror. After hours of listening, she held the boy and rocked him, promising to help him in any way she could to get the voices to never come back.

Still, one thought couldn't seem to leave Logan's muddled mind; were was that amazing blonde boy from the camp. Kenton, Kendall, Karl. He really couldn't draw the name up immediately, but he was still bugged by the fact that he wasn't there. He made a promise. He held him in his arms. He kissed him. And that sense of abandonment by someone who'd actually made him feel something in a long time made Logan want to simply die.

Kendall and his friends decided to end their summer by going to L.A. for a little while at an Aunt's house, but she was so high the whole time they could do absolutely anything they wanted to do. So every night they'd run the town doing crazy things and pissing people off; eat and dash, ding-dong-ditch at two in the morning, taking small things from local stores. It was all easy prey and away from Minnesota, they could do anything they wanted, but Kendall seemed aloof the whole time. He would stay home most of the time while his and Jo's friends would run around and do this stuff, but it was Kendall's behavior in general that had been scaring Jo lately. 

It'd been a two weeks since the incident at the camp and Kendall still wasn't acting all normal. There was an emptiness in him that scared Jo because it wasn't shock or terror; it seemed more like longing. Which scared her the most; how could she ever confess to anyone that her boyfriend had been tempted and ultimately taken to Satan. Just the word repulsed Jo. Homosexual. Gay. Faggot. It was all the same, the work of some unholy monster creating things that just simply shouldn't exist. Two of the same parts didn't go together, it took work from two opposite things to create one and it was obvious that Kendall was losing his grip on this. She needed to give her boyfriend something that would remind him what god wanted out of him. Jesus would forgive her if she gave away her virginity to save someone's soul. More than anything, she would be a saint for doing this, giving away her purest gift to keep a follower of the holiest on the right path. So that night, Jo somehow convinced Kendall to go out on the town with them and she knew what she'd have to do. She put on her shortest skirt, put the curling iron on her hair just right, cut her shirt to expose her mid-riff, applied her make-up perfectly to be the image of sex. She was ready, but it was going to take time to convince Kendall to do this with her. And finally, after hours of hopeless flirting and preparation, she was ready to give herself to Kendall and somehow, he had just disappeared. 

Logan sat in the chair quietly from the older man who was sitting across from him with a notepad in hand a recording device. It was his first day in therapy and it was nothing at all like he expected; he was imagining a bed were he'd lay while a doctor simply nodded when he was pouring his heart out. Instead, he was sitting in post-modern chairs in a windowed office in a towering building in the center of the hospital district. The old man wrinkled his nose before asking the opening question:

"So, Mr. Mitchell, let's get comfortable together, shall we; for any progress to be made, I need you to feel totally at ease in my presence so my first request is that you tell me the basic facts about yourself. Your criticisms of who you are, shortcomings, goals, attributes, characteristics, orientations, things you enjoy. Help me help you," he old man said, giving Logan a comforting, wrinkled grin.

"Well, I'm about 5'7, 120 pounds, blood-type A positive, dark hair, pale skin tone, small fra-." _"Tell em about how you're body is like a little girl." "Don't listen to him, he's just being mean, you are beautiful Logan." "Why don't you just throw him in a wig and a skirt and call him Lora. He needs to toughen up. He's a bitch boy." _"Shut Up!" Logan screamed at his throbbing head. The doctor's expression never changed, jotting down notes on what I was doing.

"Logan," he began, looking him earnestly in the eyes, "is it safe to assume that you have body issues."

Logan nodded his head when the gruff voice broke surface into the air, _"You forgot to tell him about the fact that you're a 'fudge packer.' A no good 'Cock sucker', 'Faggot' who fails at every single thing he does. A 'Pillow-biting Pansy' 'Fairy' who likes it so far up the ass he can't breathe. A 'ball-juggling' 'Queer-."_ "Did I not say to fucking shut up," Logan dove out of the seat and broke the vase in half on the table next to him, running for the mirror that was behind the doctor. "Never speak again, hear me. You don't control me, I do," he swung the jagged glass at the mirror and splinters of material flew all over the room, the doctor barely ducking in time before he almost got hit. "It's my life," screamed Logan while the old man crawled out, "And I'll kill you first before you try to hurt me." He fell to the floor when the voice returned_, "Don't ever address me like I'm bellow you when I'm the one trying to save you. This is a very cruel world and 'poofs' like you just don't make it. Call it a favor, me trying to kill you."_ "You'll never touch me again, because I don't need you," Logan saw the monster in a piece of broken glass on the floor and grabbed a sharp, broken piece from next to him. Putting the glass on the edge of his neck, like the knife a week ago, the thrill of death crossed his mind again. Panting hard, he felt the blood escape, but he knew the cut wouldn't kill himself because he had no intention of truly silencing the voices; he wanted to control them. And he had to prove his dominance to both of the other people taking residence in his head. Then he heard crunched glass and felt thick arms grab him from behind and pick him up. He began to kick and scream; thrashing and striking as best he could, but it was no use. The intruder was stronger than him. That's when he felt the needle in the familiar spot in his arm and everything slipped to darkness.

Kendall was lost, late at night in L.A. and it was not a particularly pleasant feeling for him; he was pissed at Jo for convincing him to come and then just leaving him. Fuck her; he was planning on dumping her anyway. Walking through the cold streets, he realized that this town was a different place at night entirely. A different woman with thigh high, black leather boots was standing with her torn fish nets and bad wig on every corner. 'Make-up must ran by the gallon when it rains' Kendall thought to himself, which he found amusing. After an hour of trying to find his way home, he was gonna try to get a cab when a tall boy walked out of the shadows. Body glistening with oil and dark hair and hazel eyes, the boy stuck out to him.

"Hey there eyebrows," the taller teen said, revealing himself out of the darkness in nothing, but too tight jeans. 

"I'm not interested," Kendall said, not looking at him directly; he had someone else on the mind.

"Wasn't makin a proposition, hot stuff," the hooker replied, "You look lost and I'm off for the night. I wanted to know if you needed help getting home." The gigolo pulled out a cigarette and lit it up while inhaling a little of the smoke before breathing it out. "I remember my first night in this city because I'm reliving it every time I turn a hook. I'm trying to make sure that doesn't happen to you."

"Fine," Kendall said, turning around to face the boy and then walking over to lean against the brick wall he was leaning on, "You'll take me home, free of charge." Kendall held out his hand for a smoke and the taller boy lit him up. 

"You smoke," the hooker said surprised, putting his out on the damp wall.

"Actually, I don't," he choked on the smoke before vomiting, the prostitute taking the cigarette and putting it out where he had done his own. 

"Should-a-known," the hazel-eyed boy said, "Why don't we get going and tell me what you remember most about where you're at." Kendall did his best to explain, but it just made no sense to either of them and after an hour, they gave up. "Look, we can get a cheap motel for a night and stay there," the tall boy said, "then you can call your friends to get you from there."

"Look, I'm not looking for sex tonight, I just want to get home," Kendall said, extending his hands to show that he didn't want anything that the prostitute was selling. 

"You don't think I'm sexed out for the day," the hooker replied, going up the desk-top and flirting with the manager at the desk. "Go up to this room," he handed Kendall the keys, "I'll be up in about thirty minutes." The tall boy took the bell-hops hand and led him into a closet before locking the door; Kendall could hear the grunting already while he was waiting for the elevator to appear. 

After an hour, the hooker showed up at the door to the sleezy motel with disheveled hair and Jeans that weren't done all the way up. "What," he said to Kendall who was looking at him strangely, "You've never had sex before." Kendall shook his head, hiding his eyes from the prostitutes view. "Sorry, didn't mean to judge, it's just, it's all I know."

Kendall looked up at him, "My names Kendall, I'm the preacher's son from a town in Minnesota, what do you think."

The prostitute flipped his hair and then looked back at him, "I'm James Diamond, small town boy from Wisconsin that came to L.A. to start his movie career and after starring in one porno, my chances are pretty much all derailed." They both laughed at their dispositions before Kendall started up again. 

"I'm not gay," Kendall said matter-of-factly, "I'm not turned on right now."

"Okay. I don't know why you are telling me that if you just said you weren't gay, but what-ever. Well, if it wasn't obvious, I am gay, but in this business, I don't get to have a preference. I get more horny divorced women then I get men. Who'd want a whore who's taller than them bobbin on their cocks; it's not really on demand."

"I think you're a little attractive," Kendall piped up awkwardly, "I'd choose you any day."

"Thanks for the complement," James said sarcastically, pulling up the zipper on his pants, but Kendall grabbed his hand before he could do it all the way. 

"I think if I was gay, I'd find you very attractive," Kendall repeated, starring into James's eyes deeply, "you'd be my first."

James nodded his head, "then let's pretend you are tonight and I can be your first; this is on the house," he said it as Kendall's lips drew closer to his own, but immediately, he put his hand over the blonde's mouth. "I don't ever kiss on the mouth; this is a one night thing, I don't want feelings involved. This is sex and purely that, so enjoy it." Instead, James went down and pulled Kendall's jeans down before flipping his boxer's down. 

Kendall ran his fingers threw the hooker's long hair during the blow-job, enjoying every second of losing his virginity. James was a natural at this and Kendall guessed it was because it happened so often for him. He lost himself in the passion and started to thrust forward when the prostitute started to feel Kendall's body over.

**Author's Note: OMG! I'm so happy everyone responded so well to that because I've been drafting it for about a month now (It was originally supposed to be my first story).I hope you enjoyed Chapter two, because it drained me to write, but I enjoyed it. It's a breath of fresh air to get to write both characters for ounce. Sorry that there was like no sex scene at all for it to kind of be integrall, but I'm still getting used to the idea of putting them in these compromising positions. I swear I'll get better and I hope it wasn't too confusing because it's so jumpy. P.S. – if the underlined text was confusing for anyone because I have my bold (author's notes) and italics (Logan's voices), the underlined text is Kendall's POV or someone connected to him. I decided to separate the different ones (POV's) because of how much I jump around between the two characters. Sorry. Luv ya. XoXo**


	3. Chapter 3

Kendall woke up the next morning alone in the hotel bed, muttering a simply phrase into the air, "It wasn't real; all a sick dream; you aren't gay." Yet Kendall knew this was a lie; he could see the two shiny cum spots on the tip of the sheets. But while he lay in bed alone thinking, he had one feeling. Guilt, because one thought wouldn't leave his mind; a pair of innocent, crazy, chocolate brown eyes against pale skin.

Logan was back in the doctor's office from before, but the situation was different this time. A guard stood by the door with the needle while Logan sat in a wheel-chair, his hands hand-cuffed to the metallic chair as well as his feet. He truly didn't mind the doctor, but it seemed like the other personalities did.

"So good to see you again Mr. Mitchell," said the smiling doctor who was going through his notes thoroughly.

"You too, doctor," Logan said, smiling back before the voice erupted, _"What do you want outta this pussy boy, doc. Treatin him like a girl aint helpin no one. Rough em up, slapping across the face ounce."_ "Shut the Fuck up," he howled at the voice, "I threatened to kill you once, I'm not afraid to try I again." He looked back to the man, "I'm sorry doctor, continue," the brunette said with a kind smile again, seeming to forget his actions, just moments before.

"Logan, I'm not sure how to approach this correctly without setting you off, so allow me to be frank, I believe you may have some type of schizophrenia. I need you to tell me about what goes on in your head so I can diagnose it. If it is what I believe it is, it is curable, but to help rid you of the voice, I need to find out your deepest, darkest secret." The doctor was careful, not looking up but rather, at his notes again.

"What if I don't want to get rid of the voices," Logan shouted, chuckling at something the kinder voice had said to him in secret. This doctor was so dumb.

"Okay, we don't have to get rid of them, but I'd like to help you control them so they listen to you and obey," then Logan's eyes drew wide. That was exactly what he wanted; to rule the thoughts in his head and give them orders, not the other way around like it was at times.

"Alright, I can deal with that," Logan started to scan his brain for things that the doctor didn't know, "You know that I'm gay, but specifically, I'm the passive partner in the relationship."

"How did you come by that knowledge," the doctor said, keeping his buried in his writing.

"You just know what you enjoy and I like to be the one controlled; I don't know specifically when it occurred to me, but I've always kind of known. I've been extremely effeminate my whole life, so it was just a matter of time that that dawned on me." He flashed a grin before continuing in deep thought, "I've never liked my body or who I was; I've always thought I was a scrawny, little good for nothing runt. But, you can jump up all the times you want or stand on the tips of your toes; doesn't mean you're going to get any taller."

"Do you have trust issues?"

"Trust, what trust," Logan commented, thinking the question quite stupid, "my parents pawned me off to a baby-sitter my whole life and my baby-sitter would just leave when she wanted. I learned that no one cared about me by the age of ten. But to be honest Doctor, I believe that is a quite illogical question. Trust does not exist because everyone makes the conscience decision to serve themselves and themselves alone, which forces me to question your motives."

"I'm paid to help you, that's how I take care of myself, by helping you. If I succeed, I get recognition."

The doctor seemed to finally get Logan's point of view and so he began to open up more and more, "I realize that in society, my purpose is to serve, but, what's my purpose if I can't contribute vanity wise. I'm ugly. I don't have any reason to exist besides my advanced knowledge of what life really is, which is that it is a giant illusion. We all live in a dream of who we think we are in our own right. We've stereotyped ourselves into living dolls that can barely make interactions but those of the sexual nature and even that is losing its inner relevance. Soon the end will be near and we will all just disappear, as useless as we were before, but I'll be left alone here to wonder the barren earth and realize that all along, I was alone."

"Maybe that time will give you time to master you concept of what life really is and then you can join the masses. But, I have a question that could solve your puzzle. Did you ever dress or act eccentric to get attention as a child up until now." Logan thought the question was rather misplaced, but he didn't mind answering; he could finally see that the doctor understood him.

"Always doctor, it was my only point of relevance as a child before I realized my true destiny in the world. I adored it. I'd wear costumes or masks or wear out dated things that never matched or hurt. I'd choose a different accent each day and take-up new hobbies. It was all to educate the lower beings around me, so thank god for it. It was essential to the development of the society of this town. Hopefully other places have a chance to actually compete, but I doubt it. It was no easy task."

"You're right Logan," the doctor said, eyes dedicatedly glued to his notepad, "curing you will be no easy task at all, but you've given me the key to your problems. I'm going to take the voices away from you and bring you back to health. You're incoherent babble is truly disturbing, but you can be helped, I have true faith."

Logan snarled at the old man who tricked him into divulging his own inner genius, "Old fool, you've doomed us all and now the world cannot move ahead correctly. When future generations cry for a leader, they will be able to blame you for losing their only source of hope. Don't Crucify the Savior. Don't Crucify the Savior." Logan continued to shout this slogan as the needle hit the sore part of his arm and he slipped into dreaded sleep.

The doctor was slightly impressed, he'd kept the taunting voices quiet for his whole rant, but the rant itself was to disturbing for the doctor to be able to think about it fully.

After coming back from L.A. a week later, he'd made a few important decisions; that sex with that hooker didn't make him gay, just horny and curious. And he wanted to see the crazy boy from camp again, not for the kiss or the breathlessness his face gave him, but for closure. To ensure that he was being properly cared for. He had to find that boy, it was necessity to survival as to not be killed by guilt, and so after a long time of scheming, he'd finally found a way to find the boy. All it would take would be a little god play and ego with his father.

"Dad," Kendall knocked on the empty, office door frame to the church's main office were his dad sat in study, "After what happened at the camp this year, I had a revelation from God."

"What would that be Kendall," his dad said smiling and pointing to the chair across from him.

"I believe God has chosen our family and church to minister to the mentally ill; their being tempted by the devil to a life of sin, we must help bring Christ back into their lives. We could make a difference." Kendall took the seat cautiously, making sure the cross on his neck was placed right where his father could see it perfectly.

"I don't have the time to take on that task son; you know we have so many programs here that need attention. God will have to choose a different parish to carry out this mission because we simply don't have the time or the resources."

"Actually dad," Kendall said slowly, "I was told to do it; he said it's time for me to take up my mantle and post as your son, the Pastor's child. I'll find a group of kids to go with, but I felt it necessary to get consent from you to go in the church's name, plus I'd need a little church money for expenses."

The pastor smiled at his son kindly, "I'm so proud of you Kendall; you're really growing into your position as a man of God. Okay, I'll have Deborah at the front desk to print you some flyers and have a little cash for when you go to the mental houses. Your mom would be so proud if she saw you now." Kendall smiled back to his dad before walking out and grabbing his hand. The reason he went through all that trouble was just to have an excuse to be gone for hours on end; days at a time (And, a little cash to boot wasn't bad, but it was never the main intention.) His father would have never just accepted the 'I'm with friends,' excuse and Kendall realized that, but if he thought it was divine intervention, he'd be doing flips off the wall to say yes. Kendall had been lying to get what he wanted since he was a little kid; this was no different and he knew it. He also knew it was forbidden if anyone found out, even if he wasn't gay. 

Kendall had never taken an active interest in the church and for the pastor it was finally Kendall's time to fulfill his destiny as a disciple to the Messiah. And it made him so proud to see his son administering to the truly sick, but at the moment, he had to work on getting church events ready.

It had been a month since that session with the therapist that upset him so much; he didn't like being played with like a toy and the man had done just that. He had used his own logic against him to come to the final outcome and that upset Logan the most. But now, as he thought back on it, he realized that the man was simply trying to help a mental patient that was on the verge of losing himself forever. The service he'd done for Logan would stay in his heart forever because it saved him from himself.

Logan had a personality disorder called Schizotypal. A lot like schizophrenia, it was an illness that affected almost every part of the character, and as he looked back, he was amazed how much it affected his life. He knew that he had an Aunt who killed herself who was possibly mentally ill, but never in a million years had he seen this coming for himself. He just always simply thought himself to be a misfit, weird, not crazy. But anyone with any experience in health of sanity would have seen this from miles away; he displayed most of the classic symptoms. He hated his body and had strange beliefs that didn't always fit together into one. He was aloof to his own treatment at home because he believed it to be necessary. He did his best to be interesting to get attention and it never worked; and sometimes he believed he could see himself from a different view point and see how pathetic his attempts were. This was a case that should have been found and closed years before. But it wasn't, and so that's how Logan Mitchell ended up in a mental institution. And to think, his father was a doctor.

Honestly, he had been doing better, especially because the medicine he had to take kept him on balance again and it gave him a clarity that he had never truly realized before. The medicine helped him to fight the voices and some of the thoughts, but what the medicine couldn't do, the doctor always seemed to be able too. The voices were gone now and he knew they were still there, somewhere in his head, but they no longer spoke, just existed with him. The doctor had told him that they would never truly go away, but with medicine, therapy, and social training, they would be mute for the rest of his life. That one day, he could go back into normal society and live like everyone else, just a little more caring and a little more cautious.

He had advanced so fast that he was able to move him into a small group home in a strange little block on the outskirts of the town. About ten houses stood behind a large gated community that was just a little into the edge of the woods that lied beyond them. It was a neighborhood tailored for mental patients who were almost finished with recovery, but still weren't ready to assimilate into regular society and Logan was situated in the house for Schizophrenic/Schizoid/Schizotypal patients who were coming together to learn to cope and live with other people together. A bunch of anti-social people in a big house, forced to lean on each other to survive and leave. It didn't seem like Logan's dream idea, but he'd do anything to be able to be back in society and live his dreams. He just wanted to be a doctor, nothing more, and now he wanted to be doctor who helped the mentally ill. This was a cause that needed more attention than it was getting and Logan planned to do his best to save every person who had an unstable sanity, even if it killed him. But lately, other thoughts had started to pervade his mind. Like dirty blonde hair, or a muscular set of arms, or eyebrows that stuck out clearly to make someone distinguishable. And the thing that stuck to him the most was a pair of emerald green eyes staring into his own.

**Author's Note: So writing Logan's little rant was so hard for me and then as soon as I finished it and was working on revision, it totally freaked me out. Tell me what you think in the reviews; freaky or nonsense. Anyway, I was reading the reviews (I've been really depressed lately, so when you guys comment it makes me feel so much better) and I feel like I have to address a few aspects of the story. For starters, if the underlining is super distracting, sorry, but the narrative is a mix of 1****st**** and 3****rd**** person and so, it's easier for me to separate the thoughts like that (wait for chapter five, it's jumpier than a straight guy at a gay club). And another one asked about positions in the, um, relationship intimately. Kendall's the top (I thought I wrote him that way in the sex scene, but the scene is a little ambiguous) and Logan's the bottom *spoiler*, but after the encounter with the prostitute, no more sexy. I feel like Logan's too vulnerable for that right now. And sadly, this will be my last day of daily posting, but good news is, I'll try at least every other day (slowing down big time huh) so I'll probably have chapter 4 up Tuesday. This story isn't as long as LiM and I want it to last, so, sorry. Also, the big moments were they meet up again is coming soon. Luv Ya. XoXo**


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a week of searching through mental facility and mental facility before he finally located a 'L. Mitchell' at a house on the edge of town. Or more like a neighborhood. But Kendall knew it was urgent that he see the boy to get his closure and move on. This wasn't because he had any feeling for the boy at all, he just needed to make sure he was safe and doing better. Any good, concerned citizen would have done the same and Kendall knew it. He wasn't gay; god condemned the choice of the gay lifestyle and he knew he had not chosen to be gay, because he wasn't. It wasn't gay to lay in bed, unable to sleep because you're thinking about a kiss with a boy, or having a dream about hot sex with a male hooker. 

Because Kendall Knight wasn't gay, it just wasn't possible. 

But still, he needed to see the boy from the camp again because it was the only thing that could help him to accept what happened that day. He had to make it clear to the crazy boy that the kiss meant absolutely nothing and didn't change anything in him. That his beautiful brunette hair or skinny figure was not always on his mind now, because it wasn't. 

Logan sat on Fender's bed listening to him expertly play guitar while Jennifer sang; Fender refused to talk, but he seemed to speak through his beloved instrument. It was like it was his mouth speaking and Logan loved it. Logan had always loved music and finding two people with his same problems who were the same way was comforting. Jennifer was the complete opposite of Fender though; she would never be quiet and continued to just talk on and on, even when it was too herself. She'd slip in and out of different accents, while speaking, or take on different traits of a certain group of people for the day. Logan enjoyed her company, but at times, all he wanted was silence and that wasn't something that she could manage. So he still spent half of the day by himself, but he spent a lot of time with them now; and they loved to sing together. Fender with his guitar, Jennifer with her angelic voice; it was truly amazing for Logan to experience, but he never intruded or tried to insert himself in the beauty cause he knew he'd ruin it. He wasn't any type of singer and so he just played the part of their audience always, but it didn't mean that Jennifer didn't pester him to join them.

"Come on Logan," the girl said, her curls bouncing up and down as she jumped to get Logan up.

"No, I have … things to do back at my room anyway," Logan replied, getting out of his spot in the bed to head for the door.

"I don't believe you at all," Jennifer retorted with her arms across her chest and a pout on her lips.

"I have to go."

"Why won't you ever just sing with me, I'm sure you'd be incredible?"

"I will, but I have to go to my room to watch, Ellen, yeah Ellen."

"Riiigggghhhhttt, I'm supposed to believe that."

"I'm serious, I've got to go, but you shouldn't stop, have fun, I'll come back later," Logan rushed out of the bedroom and down to his own and turned on the TV. There was no internet allowed in the facilities so as to not set off anyone's progress.

The program was very specific on when that would be allowed and it wasn't time, so instead, the 90's style, outdated bedroom had a small TV with a Boom box plugged in behind the bed, sitting on the table on the opposite side of the bed from the night stand. Logan loved to listen to Gwen Stefani, so he had all of her 'No Doubt' and solo albums sitting on top of his player which he frequently used like everyone else; music was a bond most people here had. The neighborhood resembled a period piece, being built and styled in the mid nineties and being frozen in place because it was cheaper that way. The newest things to be brought in were converter boxes for the bedroom television sets and maybe a new bed here and there. Logan liked it, it felt homey to him, or at least more like a home than the one he'd had his whole life.

He did think it was weird thought that he of all people was a High School drop-out because he loved to learn so much, but he didn't mind anymore. He continued to study and get ready so that as soon as he got out of the house, he could go back to school and finish the right way. He was going to be a doctor; he didn't care how hard he'd have to work. That's when he heard a knock at the door and got up to open it.

Kendall looked the small boy over and lost all his resolve and everything he had been preparing to say; he had came to tell Logan that he felt absolutely nothing for him, but that he wanted to make sure he was alright. He wanted to see if he was okay; that was all. But the boy caused the world to disappear around him. He didn't know what to do when the innocent eyes began to search his own, but he felt a sudden urge that he'd never had before. 

He smashed his lips into Logan's and wrapped his arms around the dark-haired teen's waist to draw him closer. Kendall tried to gain permission to enter his mouth with his tongue, but Logan was being stern, keeping his lips shut tight, so Kendall gave up and just licked his lips. After a long time of standing in the door-way, they both finally went up for air and Logan then ushered him into the room. Kendall was impressed; his vision was a white room with a simple bed and a window with bars, but instead, there was a large open window covered by a Demi Lovato poster with a TV and a closet with a night stand and bright blue walls. The closet was small and the bed looked like a twin, but it looked like just an average kid's bedroom. This day was full of surprises for him. He took a seat on the bed when Logan finally turned and addressed him.

"Why are you here," Logan said, the anger starting to appear in his voice, but still slightly hidden.

"I, I was worried about you, and you, You've been the only thing on my mind for, for a long time now, since, since the-," he was having so much trouble while under the thin boys gaze; his eyes looked like conflicted seas of chocolate, asking for direction.

"The kiss," Logan offered, walking up to the bed and sitting next to Kendall.

"Look, I know that there is nothing I can say or do that could undo what the camp did to you, but you made me realize something about myself," Kendall said, ashamed to look in the eyes the boy that his father, the pastor, had driven insane. 

"It's not your fault Kendall," Logan said sympathetically, "you didn't do it, they did."

"Yeah, but I feel so guilty about everything around you," Kendall responded, looking him directly in the eyes, "Because I think I have feelings for you. Not that I'm gay, but something about you strikes me like I've never felt before."

"Well, no one ever said you were."

"Yeah, but you kissed me and I didn't freak out; I can see how that would confuse you and I just felt you should know," Kendall said, knowing that that wasn't the whole truth, but never admitting it.

"Kendall, you hurt me more than you can understand," Logan looked away this time, "you gave me the best feeling I'd ever had and then stole it from me in the very same instant. When I woke up and you weren't there, I thought I'd died. You'd killed me."

"I'm here now," said Kendall defensively, "I just couldn't be there then, I wasn't ready."

"Kendall, I'm not just something you can try on," Logan responded, the frustration obvious this time, "I'm not your toy; you can't play with me just when you feel like it and then forget about me."

"I can't commit that Logan," Kendall replied, scared of how the boy would react, "I'm not like you, I'm not, that, and I refuse to choose to be. I just need to work out my feelings for you."

"If I'm just something for you to get over your feeling for other men, then get out," Logan yelled, standing up and ushering him towards the door. "I'm not in an emotional state to be messed with again," he said, the tears welling up in his eyes, "Leave, because you aren't doing this again. You aren't going to give me everything I want and then take it. I'll avoid it completely this time. So get out."

Logan wasn't going to end up as bad as last time because of emotions; he would simply move on and forget about the blonde boy completely.

"Fine, If you want me to go, I will!" Kendall got up from the bed and stormed out, slamming the door behind him and leaving the pamphlets on a table in the living area before leaving the house completely. He wouldn't be treated with such indignity when he was the sane one, but after leaving the person who seemed to rule his thoughts, was he?

Logan slipped onto his knees and began to sob while reassuring himself that he was better off; he didn't need the voices to cope this time, he had wonderful friends to do that. Jennifer came in a while later and helped Logan to the bed were she could rest him against her chest.

"What happened here Logie," Jennifer said sympathetically while running her fingers through his dark hair, "Who hurt you."

"No one," Logan whimpered out, "I just felt really sad."

"I know you better than that Logan," she said, kissing the top of his head like a mother would, "was it that boy you told me about. Kendall."

"Yes," Logan responded sobbing, letting the painful waves hit his chest while hugging Jennifer's stomach tight, "He came by about an hour ago and then he, he, I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"I swear, if he ever comes back, come get me because I'm gonna rough him up so bad," she finally got him to smile when he looked up at her, "but it's Wednesday and Top Model is on, so can I watch in here."

Logan giggled a little before handing his friend the remote, "Sure, I'll bring us up some dinner." He was wiping tears off his face while Jennifer got comfortable in his bed. Quickly, he traveled down stairs into the kitchen when he saw the stack of papers sitting on the table in the center of the room. Logan went over to them and picked them all up when he realized there was scribbled hand-writing scrolled across the paper on top.

'Logan Knight'

'Logan Mitchell Knight'

'Kendall + Logan'

'Mr. Kendall and Mr. Mrs. Logan Knight'

'NOT GAY' was what the very last scribble said, but the notes certainly advised against that; Logan folded the paper in his hands and put it in his pocket before checking the rest. All the rest had the same things about the camp and the church and the pastor and his family, so Logan did the thing anyone with a slight grudge would do. He put them all in the bottom of the trash can while serving himself and Jay the macaroni-n-cheese, which the nurses had delivered at six for the rest of the house. It looked like everyone had already eaten because it was almost empty, but Logan made sure to leave a little in case someone forgot. He would hate to make someone else feel left out.

Kendall put his foot to the pedal of the car as he sped away from the neighborhood, but something inside of him was screaming for him to stop. To pull the car around and go right back there and take that boy in his arms and never let him go. 

Because he realized in that moment that something very deep connected the two of them. He didn't have to be gay to like another boy specifically. He decided that obviously he was Bisexual and that's how he could ever like the petite teen. Not gay, but Bi and that was fine with him, but somehow he knew even that wasn't true. He took a sharp turn into a small pharmacy before running inside and buying a few things. He wasn't losing Logan before he had gotten him yet. 

Logan and Jennifer were both finishing their dinner when they heard the door knock again and Logan went instinctively to get it. He swung the door open and there was Kendall again, leaning on the frame with a smirk and an arm behind his back.

Pulling the rose from behind him, Kendall looked deep into the smaller boy's eyes and simply said, "I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are." *smirk*

**Author's Note: So I don't know if you've realized it yet, but their thing in this story is cheesy pick up lines which I fell in love with while going through a list of them for chapter one. My boyfriend laughs at me, but I think they are totally cute. I'm going to address this one last time just to clear up any final confusion, but the whole story is in 3****rd**** person, it's just my first time to write something like this. For everyone that actually answered my Logan rant question, I have to say, I tried to reread it and I still don't get it at all. Have no idea how I wrote it. Okay also, I've worked out a schedule for posting and don't hate me, but I'm only putting out three chapters of this story a week. The reason is, I just finished writing it and I want it to last at least a month so I can take a break and get ahead in some other stories that'll pop up soon. So expect a post on Tuesdays, then Friday, and then Saturday. No times anymore. I like for everything to be on a schedule; so really, it's just easier for me to do it like this. Sorry. I really hope you won't quit the story and can still love me. Cause I love you all a lot; thanks for your incredible responses and kindness, you all are truly the best audience a writer like me could have. Love Ya. XoXo.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Fuck Time, I miss you guys.**

Logan looked over Kendall skeptically, not truly convinced he was really there, but Jennifer confirmed it with anger.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Logan knew she knew who it was, but she needed recognition from the source.

"I'm here to see Logan; who are you?" the tall blonde questioned back, but Jennifer obviously wasn't amused.

"Jennifer, the boy you hurts best friend," she replied.

"Look, I'm just here to-," the blonde boy was trying to be clever, but it wasn't working to charm anyone.

"I know what you're here to do," she said, rolling her eyes, "and I think you need to go away, right now."

"Um, I'm not here for you," the blonde said, pushing past Jennifer a little to get a better look at a petrified Logan, "I'm here for him." He put his hand with the rose out when Jennifer grabbed the head in her hand and squished it.

"I said leave," she said as she dropped the crumpled red pedals, "So I'll say it again, go away and don't come back this time; you aren't going to hurt him anymore than you already have," Jennifer gestured to Logan who was blankly staring forward.

"What, are you his care taker," Kendall was getting frustrated which frightened Logan a little, but he still could only just stare forward.

"I'm whatever he fucking needs me to be, and I think he needs me to tell you that you should go away, now," and instantly, she slammed the door in his face before grabbing Logan's hand and bringing him back into her embrace, "It's okay Logie, it'll all be alright." They both got back into the small bed before Logan quietly fell asleep in Jennifer's arms during the next program they were watching. Jennifer thought Logan was so cute when he fell asleep, but not so much when he woke up; she had no intention of being there when the screaming would start. And it would always start. So in the slinkiest way possible, Jennifer got out of the room before midnight.

Kendall just couldn't understand it; he'd worked so hard to find this boy and somehow, everything that could possibly go wrong did. He didn't mean to fuck it up, but it was a natural ability he had for saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. Still, he had to see the brunette; it might kill him if he didn't and so he developed a plan to win the boy over. He wasn't giving up the most beautiful thing he saw so easily. 

So now, he was standing outside the house, picking up all the little stones he could find, and searching for the right window to assault and then he recognized the one with the poster in front of it. Kendall had played baseball as a kid, so it wouldn't be that hard to hit his target, but he was surprised at how little noise the stones made against the window. Finally, he found one he knew would work and he threw it with all his force and it did do its job. It crashed straight through the window, splinters of glass falling everywhere while he could hear rustling in the bedroom above. This wasn't good; his only intention was to get Logan's attention, not almost kill him and he knew it wouldn't go well. 

Logan woke from a dream to an all too familiar sound of shattering glass falling to the floor. When he first jerked upwards to see what was going on, he thought maybe it was just part of the dream, but he could feel the strong breeze from outside and the rock sitting at his feet.

Immediately, he slipped a quick pair of shoes on to look out the window and saw the blonde boy from before pacing the ground below, obviously trying to figure out how to explain the broken glass. Logan didn't exactly know how to feel, but he knew he was upset about being woken up to glass breaking all over him, so this meeting wasn't going to go as smoothly as the blonde had obviously hoped. Yet, for some very bizarre reason, when ever Logan saw Kendall, he couldn't even speak out of all his emotions rushing at him at once. So for a long time, he just stood in the window that was broken while Kendall paced the ground, never realizing that Logan was watching from above. Then the blonde boy looked up and saw Logan watching him intently.

"Do I know you? Cause you look like my next …" Kendall was having trouble with the word, but he heard Logan whisper something from above.

"Boyfriend?" the petite teen said, not really sure if that was the right thing.

"Yeah," Kendall responded, seeing the boy above smile lightly and he saw his chance, "Did the sun come up or did you just smile at me?"

Logan blushed hard when the blonde said it and that was it; there was no one to stop the brunette from being smitten. "Come outside to meet me, I really want to talk to you." Logan nodded swiftly before lacing the shoes he'd thrown on and grabbing an old blue jacket that he hadn't used for a while. He raced down the stairs and grabbed his keys he left on the table before seeing Kendall smiling in front of him. "What brings you by?" he said sarcastically while Logan approached cautiously. For some reason, he couldn't seem to speak at the moment, but he was confused to if it was fear or enamorment because at times they could be the same exact thing. "Get in the car; we don't have to leave the neighborhood, but we could talk and stay warm." He smirked at the petite boy and he followed instruction, getting into the black car while Kendall got in on the opposite side.

"So," Logan began, not really sure what to say since the conversation earlier, "gow long have you been down here?"

"Since I got kicked out earlier," Kendall stated honestly, turning the key in the ignition.

"NO!" Logan screeched, startling Kendall next to him, "Let's not drive, we can just sit here and talk can't we. That would be nice."

"Okay, it that's what you want, I won't try to fight you there," Kendall put the radio on low before turning to face the boy next to him, "So, were do we start with all this."

"What do you mean; you've talked to people before haven't you; I'm supposed to be the socially inept one of the two of us."

"Inept; really?" Kendall said with a grin before his face became serious again, "I have, but the difference is, I was never trying to impress those people before I met you," Logan smiled and looked away while Kendall continued, "Look Logan, I screwed up earlier; I really, really like you and I just don't know what I am right now. I'm confused and a mess, but the one thing I can say is you are all I think about. Night and Day I think about you that day at the camp and it haunts me to think that I almost lost you before I could barely get to know you at all." He couldn't seem to look up when he felt the light brush of lips against his cheek. He smiled when he saw Logan starring at him with a bright intensity.

"Really, you've been thinking about me. Why?" Logan gave him a strange look and Kendall wasn't exactly sure why.

"What do you mean; you don't remember that kiss at camp." 

"Yeah, I remember it clearly because it was incredible, but I also remember passing out mid-way through it."

"Yeah, that's right," Kendall had forgotten about that; or at least tried.

"And anyway, why would someone like you want something like me," the brunette bit into his bottom lip, "I mean, you're handsome and good-looking and I'm just so, so, everything you aren't. I'm thin and small and, not well."

"Logan, you're everything I could even begin to want in this world. It doesn't matter what you are and aren't because what you are to me is beautiful and incredible and eccentric. It just all got the best of you. That's all." Kendall smiled at the smaller teen in the seat next to him who couldn't seem to take his eyes off of him.

"I. I like you Kendall, but I'm not sure if I could every be what you deserve. I don't know if I'll ever get to leave this place or start a family or get married. You scare me because I feel the pressure to try to stay sane with you and it drives me out of my mind."

"I like you too, Logan, but I don't think we're to that point in our relationship yet, I mean we just kinda started semi-dating," Kendall smiled down to Logan in the passenger seat before making his move, "So, anyway, I'm really tired and I don't have time to go home, so do you think you have room for me to bunk with you tonight."

"You cracked my window."

"We can fix it."

"There's glass everywhere"

"I'll sweep"

"You really think we should sleep together on the first date."

"I didn't know this was the first date for us."

"Oh"

"I plan to take you on a real first date tomorrow."

"OKAY!" Logan smiled wide at that one, warming Kendall's heart.

"So is that a yes to sleeping with you."

"Yeah, I guess so." Kendall turned the car off and locked it while Logan opened the well bolted door and grabbed the broom and scoop. They raced upstairs to the brunette's bed room before they started their clean up together. Kendall threw the rock back out the gaping hole in the window while Logan carefully picked up the glass and threw it away. After he'd ensured every piece was clear, Kendall taped over the hole in the window with duct tape to try to make some kind of short term repair. It'd last, it would just look a little bad, but that didn't matter because he had Logan near at the moment. 

Quickly, Logan undid the bed and climbed in, not taking notice to the stripping blonde behind him before falling to sleep.

Kendall chuckled under his breath because he thought it was cute how fast Logan had fallen asleep after they'd gotten everything done and how cute he looked. Logan was practically in a ball on the bed, his arms wrapped around himself for warmth. Carefully, so he wouldn't wake Logan up, he got into the bed and pulled the sheets over the both of them and held Logan tight. This had to be the best night of his life. Even if he wasn't gay.

But for Logan, it was his worst nightmare that was appearing in front of his eyes; it was one that never seemed to disappear no matter how good the day was. It was the reason no one liked to be around him when he slept because he had a habit of screaming during this one.

The nightmare started at camp again, which for some reason is in all black and white and is sounless, the day the councilor harassed him about his hands on his hips. He followed his direction without hearing the voices, until he sees the director bloody on the ground with himself on top of the now dead man. The red of the blood being the only color on the monochromatic landscape. His hands are covered in blood and his body is heaving as he runs through the camp, screaming at the horror of the whole situation. He runs into the kitchen and grabs the knife. He stands on the table and the voices still aren't there. Just him doing all of this by himself, like a silent film because no sounds could be heard. As if the scene with the glass had been cut for irrelevance, but the blood was left to screw with him. He's shouting on the table, no sound will come out of his throat and then Kendall appears. And no sound comes from his moving lips either. And in all of Logan's confusion, he starts swinging the large knife left and right, desperately trying to wake himself up because at this point he realizes he's trapped in his own dreams. Then he hears one blood curdling scream and there Kendall lies on the ground covered in bright red blood, the knife dripping from his hands. In terror, he drops it and runs away into a forest, still desperately screaming for someone to wake him up, to save him from anymore horror and he walks into the doctor's office through a door he experiences in the woods. The office looks very familiar because it's the one he has his therapy in, but instead of the kind, old doctor sitting in the seat, it's himself. He looks down to make sure he's still there when he sees the alternate him begin to speak,

"_You can't ever get rid of us Fag. You can try and try and try, but we'll never go away. I'll always live in your mind and dreams and the moment you're happy, I'll snatch it away. And there's nothing you can do to stop me, because I'm you and you can't escape your own damn self."_

And as soon as Logan realizes it's the voices trying to come back, he begins screaming and yelling in terror, realizing the only way to be awoken is by someone else.

Kicking and shouting, he feels hands shake him back to life and his groggy gaze reveals Kendall starring at him in horror.

"You alright Kisses, you're screaming," the blonde boy said with a nick name that Logan hadn't heard before.

"Yeah, as long as you're here," but Logan knew better than to think loneliness brought on these dreams; they always happened, each night, he'd become accustomed to waking up to finding someone above him staring wildly. Usually if it was Jennifer or Fender or someone who knew him well enough, he'd ask them to stay with him for the rest of the night, but usually, they'd avoid doing it because at one point, the screaming would start again. But, Kendall merely pulled Logan in closer to rest on his chest before they both drifted into sleep, and this time, Logan was able to wake himself from the dream.

**Author's Note: Okay, sorry if the story is super confusing, but I like being able to write for both of them just when I feel like it. After writing a story from a specific personality point, it's a nice change. So, since I finished all the business in the last four chapters, I get the next twelve to turn into a good little fangay and answer all of your awesome questions and comments. So for starters, just to give you a hint at the ending, the scene with Logan's staring at an unknowing Kendall from his broken window took inspiration from a certain Mr. Shakespeare. Yup, that was supposed to be like Juliet's Balcony and all. Also, I know this may not have been obvious, but Jennifer is one of the Jennifer's from the show, (she's the one played by ****Savannah Jayde****). But, the one that's super not obvious is who Fender is because he's a character from the show as well. Yes, if you just got it, Fender is Guitar dude and I chose the name Fender off of the huge guitar brand. Get it. Sorry if the dialogue is totally contrived, but this chapter was one of the much harder ones. And for anyone who thought Friday was coming so freaking slow, I totally get it. It's killed me not to be able to post this all for you already, but I just can't. Sorry. Keep being as awesome as you all are and please Review/ keep reviewing, because no question is too much (I'm very weird, don't be afraid) and all love is totally appreciated. You guys continually inspire me. See ya tomorrow. Luv Ya. XoXo**


	6. Chapter 6

Logan was so excited to have Kendall over at the house for the whole day, but it felt awkward introducing him to the other people there.

Instantly, Jennifer refused to speak to Kendall, a first for her not to speak, so she simply looked away while Logan pleaded with her to say something, anything to the blonde.

Fender seemed to like Kendall and gave him a hug before getting back to his guitar and trying a new tune out that the blonde seemed to like.

Lucy didn't mind Kendall, but she was too anti-social to really talk to him in the first place, so it didn't matter.

Craig liked him immediately, trying to get him to go outside and play football with him, but Kendall politely declined.

Jason had made his mind with Jennifer to not like him, so he would leave the room every time Kendall came in, which for some reason the blonde thought was amusing. 

Sam was too aloof to even notice a new person in the house at the moment, but the brief exchange they had went well; he didn't care if there was a new person.

And Stefanie thought Kendall was good-looking, so instantly she started to flirt with him to the best of her ability, but the blonde couldn't seem to take his eyes off of the nervous brunette.

Obviously it meant a lot to Logan that the others in the house liked Kendall instantly, so a few being opposed obviously hurt his feelings. He didn't realize in the real world, someone not liking someone else is normal, not everyone agrees, but being sheltered to the extent Logan was could cause confusion like that. After about an hour and a half of introductions, person by person, the brunette finally took Kendall up to his room to rest.

"Kendall," the petite teen started, turning onto his back on the bed, "Thank You for not leaving yesterday, even when I woke you up. It was, sweet."

"Why would I leave when you started screaming," Kendall said, quirking his eyebrow, "you're not the first person to ever have a nightmare Kisses, and you won't be the last."

"Yeah," Logan giggled a little which meant the charm was working, "But it wasn't just a onetime thing; that kind of happens to me every night."

"Well, every night I'll wake you up when it starts. Just scream for me."

"Not funny"

"I thought it was."

"Ha. Now that was funny."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kendall asked, scratching his head like he was actually clueless even if he could tell Logan was just in a nervous, catty mood. It was sexy in a weird way when he was in that mood. 

"Wait," Logan shouted, jumping off the bed a little, "does that mean you are staying over every night," Logan interjected, his face starting to gleam when Kendall remembered the outside world. 

The world outside the tiny cluster of houses filled with a few people and a Nurse's station. A world where he had a girlfriend and was the Pastor's son and he was a straight, christian boy. 

And it was very hard for him to realize that he couldn't stay with the smaller teen every moment for the rest of time because he didn't technically exist to him. Logan looked distressed when Kendall's phone started to ring in his jean pocket. 

"Kendall, Kendall, you're phone, it's going off, you have to get that out of here Kendall, please get it out. Please, no more noise," the brunette was gripping his hair fiercely when Kendall woke from his haze of realizations. But the phone wasn't what concerned him, it was the balled up boy next to him. 

"What's wrong Kisses," the phone still buzzing in his jean pocket. 

"Please. Stop the noise. I can't hear myself think. Or I can. I don't-," he started to sob, "Please. Stop the sound. I can hear the voices. They're trying to surface again." He was clenching his throbbing head when Kendall rushed to turn the phone off, not wanting to hurt the smaller boy. He threw the phone towards the door, desperately trying to get it as far away as possible so it couldn't hurt Logan again. He bent down into the brunette and tried to get him to calm down.

"It's okay," he whispered, rocking the boy under him, "It's all okay, don't be afraid, I'm here for you, I'll keep the voices from ever hurting you again." And Kendall liked the sound of that, the idea of protecting Logan in general sounded good to him, but protecting him from himself was something almost precious. If Logan let him do this, it meant the brunette and him were one step closer to being something real. "Can I ask something though; why did that of all things set you off."

"There are no cell phones allowed in the house for the same reason there are no computers or no cable television," Logan started, still composing himself and staring at Kendall like it was absolutely obvious, "we all have certain ticks and so on that set off the emotional reaction for the brain to trigger a response that could call for hallucinogens. It's why certain things have to be specifically avoided and sterilized while we try to recover. It is a very time consuming process, but it's necessary to ensure that we can cage the voices ourselves or we will never truly be able to live in the outside world."

"But if a simple ring tone can set you off, what makes you think you could ever really recover," Kendall immediately got how his words could be taken wrong and he looked at Logan to see how it had affected him. He was sitting up finally and for some reason, smirking back at the blonde.

"Well, that's the point of living in this house Kendall," he said matter-of-factly, "we have to have things slowly introduced back into our lives before we can go back out. This recovery isn't a few month process for me and everyone else here. It's more like a few year experiment to see if our batch turns out better, like the others before us. Between pills and therapy once a week, we slowly get over some of our problems and are able to get things back slowly. First a laptop with no internet. Then a phone with no internet. Then a phone with internet. Then a restricted internet. Then full internet access and so on to communicate via digital signals. Then we are done here." Kendall thought it was the cutest thing when Logan would get all technical about explaining things and so on. But honestly, he thought Logan was cute all around. There was a moment of silence while Kendall starred into the brunette's eyes with a smile and time seemed to stop. Why was Logan so incredible?

"Ah crap," the blonde shouted when he saw the time on the clock, "its noon already."

"What's wrong, why is it bad to be noon, we're about to have lunch together downstairs."

"I'm so sorry Kisses, but I have to go to something at the church today for my dad; I really can't miss it."

"Okay, but does that mean you are leaving me here."

"You can come if you'd like Logan, but it's a religious event with a picnic. Do you think that it could end up being too much for you to handle."

"Yeah, you're right, I'll stay here," Logan said it defeated, putting a crack in Kendall's heart.

"Look, I'll come right back, I promise, I'll be back by tonight with your surprise."

"You mean our date."

"You'll just have to wait till I get back won't you."

"I guess so,"

"Bye Kisses," Kendall hugged Logan tight before grabbing his coat.

"Have fun Kendall" Logan said, craving to kiss Kendall again like those times, but realizing it would be inappropriate at the time. The brunette watched Kendall rush out the door in a hurry before he walked back up the stairs to Fender's room. It was his usual time to go hear Jennifer and Fender play together right before lunch and Logan was excited today especially. He loved to hear them play, but their best days were always Saturdays because everyone would come to watch like it was a performance. And sometimes Lucy would go up and sing with Jennifer which always seemed like a match made in music heaven.

"Hey Logie," Jennifer said as soon as the petite teen entered, "He's not here with you anymore is he."

"He just left Jay, but he'll be back a little later for our. Date," Logan put his hands up to his heart and fell back onto the bed dramatically.

"Well, I don't like him," Jennifer retorted, discussing the song as best she could with Fender without paying attention to Logan anymore. Whenever Jay didn't get her way she'd always do this so it didn't feel so out of place, just a little rude. Lucy showed up next and then ten minutes later, everyone showed into the cramped bedroom were Fender lived. And the show began.

Kendall hated these church picnics, but he acted like he enjoyed them for the same reason he acted with everything else; because he knew the only way to get what he wanted was to give a little. His dad made the rounds to the older people at each table before finally giving Kendall a quick greeting and going to the pulpit were he always stood. Even outside during the day, he had to stand and make it clear that he was the pastor. It was annoying. But not more annoying than his next guest would be.

"Kendall Austin Knight," Jo shrilled from behind him in her usual wardrobe of short shorts and T-shirts, "were in the heck have you been all day. I tried calling and I think you hung up on me."

"I told you Jo, I've been at the mental institutions administering to the sick there," he said, trying to just get her to disappear. 

"Since Yesterday,"

"They need the most help Ms. Taylor, you should know from this summer," she gave him a sharp look and grabbed his hand, pulling him behind a wall were no one could see. 

"Look, let's cut the bull-shit and get down to business," Jo said intensely, out of character for her repetitive, Super-Jesus stance to everything.

"Wow, harsh words for a nun in training."

"Zip it Kendall, are you cheating on me."

"You're actually asking if I'm cheating on you with a crazy person," Kendall gave her a bizarre look to show how stupid it was, even if it was the truth.

"I remember camp very clearly this summer and I remember that kiss with the psycho boy, so I'll ask again, are you cheating on me."

"It was a boy Jo,"

"Look, you've been acting differently since it all happened and I need to know. I can't keep, homos, around me. I won't, so, if that's what you choose, then maybe you should go away."

"Jo, don't you think if I was gay, I would have left you at this point."

"I don't know what to think anymore Kendall."

"Okay, think about this," he cut her off with a kiss like he did anytime he just couldn't form thought right, but he felt nothing when he touched her lips, but a longing to see the brunette again. The brunette was his only 'Kisses'; he felt like it was a sin to even touch Jo's lips.

"Definitely not a fag," she said, coming up from the kiss with a big smile, "I'm sorry if I offended you dear, I was just worried about you, but of course I was wrong again."

"Of course," Kendall repeated with a tinge of guilt, because of course he wasn't secretly in love with the beautiful boy who was crazy. Of course.

Logan sat on the couch anxiously awaiting Kendall's arrival, but by eight-thirty, panic started to set in with him. Did Kendall decide he was too insane to stay with and got away when he could? Was he forbidden from leaving and Logan didn't have a phone to hear him from? A million different theories ran through his head when he heard the knock on the door. Practically jumping out of his skin when he heard the disturbance, he ran to the door and unlocked it as fast as he could. And there, gorgeous as ever, was Kendall with a few bags and a big purple bear.

"I knew you wouldn't want to leave, so I decided to pick something up, but I wasn't sure what you wanted," Kendall offered, "so I just went by a fast food place and got you a burger and some fries because I figure everyone likes that." Logan immediately hugged Kendall after he said it, almost forcing him to drop everything, but he caught his balance before anything could happen.

"I missed you so much Kendall," Logan said to the blonde boy who was setting the food out on the small coffee table in the center of the room. Logan usually didn't eat at a dining table, so he didn't mind were ever they were, just as long as Kendall was nearby, "Maybe for a while you could not leave me again."

"Are you asking me to stay with you all the time from now on," Kendall asked, smirking.

"Well, maybe, I mean, yeah, kinda," Logan responded, biting into his bottom lip and starring around the room, avoiding the blonde's stare.

"I have school and work Kisses," he said, planting a kiss on top of Logan's head.

"Oh," Logan whispered, embarrassed at how stupid the question was, "that was dumb wasn't it."

"No sugar," Kendall said, wrapping his arms around Logan's waist, "What would be dump was if I had said no." 

"So, is that a yes," Logan questioned, still not able to stare in Kendall's eyes yet for fear of judgment.

"Yeah Kisses," Kendall responded, a huge smirk enveloping his mouth while he started sitting himself and Logan on the couch, "Why would I ever want to be away from you."

"I like you Kendall."

"I like you too Logan, I like you a lot," And finally, they sat down to actually enjoy their mini-date.

"I got this for you at the picnic today Kisses," Kendall said after they almost finished eating, "I thought you'd like it." Logan had a big smile when he grabbed the bear and hugged it tight to his body.

"It's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me Kendall," the brunette said when he kissed Kendall on the cheek. "I lo-, I like this a lot; I want to thank you for all this; this was an amazing first date." 

This time it was Kendall left smiling because he could tell that wasn't what Logan meant to say. And honestly, it was the crappiest first date he'd every planned for someone else, but the difference between Logan and all the others was that the brunette was special and so he had to do this as gently as possible. When the brunette started to cuddle into his chest while they were watching the movie on the couch, Kendall realized he'd done just right.

**Author's Note: Don't judge me for already breaking schedule but I just can't stick to the times thing; it almost killed me. You can check, I took it out the times from the chapter four author's note. Anyway, so this may seem like weird timing, but I have a football game to go to tonight. I'm totally serious. Not by choice either, so don't worry; I'm not changing too much. Your own little gay teen at his High School football game *bitter smile*. I'm gonna go watch a totally straight game were hot and heavy boys go crash into each other and get all sweaty and touch each other's asses after they win to celebrate. And there's even a position called 'the Tight End'. That doesn't remind me of anything gay at all. It's like the straightest game in the whole wide world. So, I hope this was a good chapter for you because it seemed to take forever to write. Usually my problem is I write the others to fast and they become a drain on myself for like thirty minutes, but this one was like a really slow trickle. Okay, so for anyone who thought that the stone scene was so, 80's typical teen romance cliché, well, I love 80's teen romances. I mean the breakfast club is an absolute classic. Anyway, so I just want to say, if that was super cliché, get ready cause it will get worse. I have an adoration for camp and cliché like any good gay boy would; so, sorry if that's not your forte. But I won't let it ruin the story. Never. Anyway, make me feel like three million bucks and go review and tell me what you thought of this chapter. You have no idea how happy they make me. I just smile like a giant idiot while reading them and then I get inspired. Ergo, you all totally inspire me so much and I super-duper love you. Try to say that five times fast with a lisp. It's impossible. Luv Ya. XoXo**


	7. Chapter 7

It'd been about a week of Kendall steadily coming over to the neighborhood and Logan could tell he was getting used to everything fast. But this was going to be his first Sunday in the neighborhood and Sunday was a very different day at the houses. Sunday was game day.

Logan sat on the old wooden bleachers with Jennifer next to him while they both watched the volleyball game in front of them unfold intensely. The brunette wasn't a big fan of sports, but game day, especially at the house he was in, was very important. It was something you never missed, not once and if you did, you were in trouble. So Logan and Jennifer were simply sitting there in big, black sunglasses, chatting while everyone got ready for the game to come. Today was the Schizophrenia house vs. Narcissism Paranoia house that had done well lately. But Logan promised a secret weapon this week so he wouldn't have to play and when he saw that sleek, black car Kendall drove pull up into his house's drive-way, he was so happy that Kendall had made it on time. The team hated later comers. And Logan hated disappointing people and he knew if they lost for the third month in a row, everyone in the house would be a little moody for a week and the brunette hated when that happened.

Logan though it was funny to see the blonde knocking at an empty house, but now wasn't the time to just watch his boyfriend; now was the time to have the boyfriend who won the game and was awesome. So, Logan ran over to were Kendall was standing and startled the blonde when his thin arms wrapped around the taller boy tightly. Logan just needed a moment to take in the fact that Kendall was even there before he let him go. But, Kendall seemed very anxious to find out what exactly was going on.

"Kisses," the blonde said, spinning on his heel to face the smaller boy behind him, "You didn't tell me about this today. I wish I would have known, I would have come sooner."

"Well," Logan responded uneasily, not really sure how to explain why he'd done it exactly, "I just, you know, I just, I forgot, kinda, and then I got really distracted and, and well…."

"You don't have to say anything else," Kendall replied smiling, grabbing the petite boy next to him by the hips to keep him close before they started to walk back to the sand pit, "So, do I get to sit with you and enjoy the game or do I have a different place I need to be."

"Not exactly."

"Don't tell me you're playing."

"Oh, I'm not the one playing today," Logan replied giggling, still unsure on how to break the news to the team's newest fourth player.

"So, why are you being so secretive about it," Kendall responded, looking deep into Logan's eyes just to get that cute blush he loved so much.

"Because," Logan started, stammering to say the words, "I kinda volunteered you to help out withitallandtakemyplace."

"That's all you had to say Kisses," Kendall said smirking, "I'd do anything for you and you know that; but I have a game to play right now apparently, so where do I go." Logan pointed to Craig who was standing with Jason and Stephanie, all poised to go and play. Immediately, Kendall ran over and they all went into a huddle while Logan took his seat next to Jennifer and Fender again.

"So, Blondie's gonna play for you today," Jennifer said starring forward, a slight grin crossing her lips in a flash.

"Well, I don't really feel well today," Logan was notoriously bad at lying, so as soon as he started, he realized that it was futile attempt at anything, "and my knee hurts when I bend it a certain way and-,"

"Look Logie," Jennifer cut him off, but never looking directly at him, "you don't have to feel so guilty about not playing. Neither of us ever do. It's Fender over there who should feel bad," she looked over at the frowning guy next to him, "Hey, don't look at me, it's usually you who carries the team, not Jason and you know it." He smiled a little while bobbing his head up and down and then turning back to face the volley ball tournament that had just started.

"Yeah, but I feel really guilty," the brunette responded, "I didn't even tell him about it till today."

"You could have pushed him into a den of lions and he would have been fine with it," Jennifer replied smiling, "but the way they're playing, you just might have." And she was right; the game was really getting serious at the moment.

"What do you mean," Logan asked back, starring at her behind the oversized, dark shades.

"I mean," she said, finally turning to face him, "that he's so in love with you he'd do anything you'd say, you'd just have to request it."

"You know that we haven't said that we 'love' each other yet, so that's obviously wrong."

"Please, you two are both just chicken cats, that's all, because you're so in love with him and he's so in love with you that's it's starting to get all gooey, lovey-dovey and you know what, it's gross. All the happiness and the smiling, uch."

"I don't know what you're talking about; I'm sure if we really do come off that way, it's certainly not gross. I bet it would be cute."

"Ha," she stated triumphantly, "So you admit it."

"I haven't testified to anything. Good try though."

"You love him"

"I don't love him"

"You do love him; You love Kendall,"

"You're wrong"

"Kendall and Logan sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love, already got that, then comes marriage, maybe in another state, then comes the baby in the baby carriage, are you ready to adopt Logie. But that's not all, that's not all, I saw the baby drinking alcohol. Well, I didn't actually see that, but you get it." She got a lot of satisfaction out of quoting that little child-hood antic dote, but maybe she was right in a way. For a long time, Logan had wanted to tell Kendall he loved him, but every time it almost came up, the brunette would find a way to avoid it because he was worried. He was afraid that by admitting that he loved Kendall, that it would be too late to take it back and if the blonde decided that he wasn't enough, then he would have given his heart away to the wrong person. And once you gave your heart away, Logan knew you never get it back. Never again.

"Yeeaaaahhhhh," shouted a jumping Jennifer next to him, ecstatic about something Logan hadn't been particularly watching. "We did it, we did it, we did it; we Won! We finally won the game!" she was jumping around on the dilapidated bleachers like a little kid.

"Wait, we won?" Logan asked, realizing what she'd just said and jumping up himself to face his ecstatic best friend.

"You really have major attention problems," she said giggling before running off the bleachers and onto the sandy court ahead. Immediately, after realizing what had happened, he ran over to were the players were all high-fiving and laughing about the game. And to see Kendall fit in like that with all his friends was something incredible for the small brunette.

Kendall didn't mind talking to everyone; genuinely, he was really liking all the people there and he was getting over any problems he'd had with them from before, but he wanted only one thing right now, and a beautiful brunette was approaching to fulfill that want. 

"I think there's something wrong with my eyes," Kendall said, dramatically rubbing at his eyes and acting like he was blind, "because I can't seem to look away from you." Logan blushed before burrowing into Kendall like he always did, and he blonde couldn't lie, he absolutely loved it. He craved just Logan's feel against himself, so of course when he did this, all he could do was to manage a smile.

"You're sweet," Logan replied smiling and Kendall stood there rocking him.

"No Kisses, you're the one who's the sweet," he said, kissing the smaller boy on the chin, "I didn't name you after my favorite candy for nothing." Kendall knew that wasn't the truth; the reason he named the boy Kisses was because of the incredible kisses they'd shared before, but he'd never admit. It was too sacred.

"Oh," Logan responded, giving that innocent smile that only he could manage, "I'd wondered about that." 

"Anyway, what did you think?"

"Of what."

"Of the game Kisses."

"Oh, that, it was great, you were fantastic."

"You didn't watch one single second of it did you?"

"I tried, I promise I just got lo-,"

"You don't have to apologize beautiful, its fine; I just like to make you squirm sometimes."

"That's a little strange."

"Our whole relationship is kinda strange Kisses; you should know that better than any."

"Yeah, I guess you're right, it's just, I just don't know."

"Don't know what."

"I don't know if I can tell you how I really feel."

"Now Kisses, you should know our relationship better than to be afraid to say what you feel."

"But this is different, this is serious."

"Now what could be so serious?" 

"Kendall, I think," and then the blonde realized what he was going to say, "I might lo-," and in a fearful moment, Kendall threw his lips against the petite teens to stop the words from leaving his mouth. Because Kendall was utterly afraid of that simple phrase. Because it packed a lot of punch and it would force him to come to terms with a few things that he still hadn't exactly settled within himself. So like Uniform for whenever he got scared, he kissed him to shut it all up because that fear was just too real. The fear of the fact that maybe Kendall really was completely dependent on the brunette's existence or that he worried every day that one last break down could destroy them. Or the feelings of pure anxiety of having to try to figure his sexuality out right, which he had been purposely avoiding thinking of. He could say he was Bi all he wanted, but he'd never felt one thing for any girl he'd ever known. So when he heard the L-word almost surface, he got very scared. Because it was nothing like the first time that it had been stopped by Logan; he thought it was incredible that time. No the problem with this time was that it was just all too real. And he'd screwed it up already. So now his main subject was to avoid the conversation of that topic completely, which he knew wasn't exactly going to be easy.

"So," Kendall started again, desperately trying to get rid of the silence the kiss left, "Was it hard while I was away."

"You were away for two hours Kendall," Logan replied, seemingly forgetting about the before conversation in the process, "It wasn't' that long."

"It felt like two years."

"Yeah, it actually did."

"You just said it didn't feel that long."

"No, logically it wasn't that long, but emotionally, it seemed to take forever."

"You know I never get it when you start getting all technical with me," Kendall said, giggling a little at how Logan had explained the subject before.

"Laugh at me all you will," Logan responded, obviously a tiny bit annoyed, "but I'm just trying to give you're argument some substance so it just doesn't sound like you're a love sick teenager."

"What would be the problem with being a love sick teenager….." and then Kendall got it immediately, Logan was trying to simply help him. "Well, that doesn't matter, cause I'm here now with you and that's what's important."

"It is?" Logan questioned with strange enthusiasm, "I didn't realize you felt like that for me."

"What other way could I feel for you Kisses."

"Well I don't really know, but, I'm, I kind of believed that I was being too needy and I always worry that being to clingy will make you leave smu-," and just like before, Kendall silenced his lovable boyfriend with a breath-taking kiss again, but this time, Logan smiled into it, obviously wanting it which made the blonde feel incredible, but Kendall refused to be the one left blushing.

"You do that a lot when you want me quiet," Logan said under him, his normal shade of crimson red after things like this.

"Or maybe I just like the taste of your lips," and the strange love birds delightfully went back into the house, both reveling in each other's presence all while being intimidated. The dynamic to their relationship was more than a little fucked-up.

**Author's Note: Ucchhh; I don't mean to be a bitch, but I have to say that this is my absolutely least favorite chapter. I hated writing it and I hated doing it, but I felt like I needed a tiny fluff before things got serious again, little did I know that I was not in a very fluffy mood. But I love you guys, so I just had to finish. It'd be cruel not to. Okay, so for anyone that wants Jo gone and done with, I can't. And it's not that I like her in this story, but that she's super important to the ending. Like, Super. So the breaking up process is going to be, difficult to say the least. Hopefully, someone doesn't die (*spoiler* someone totally dies) by chapter 16. Just wait and see. BTW, I got a great nap at the game; wasn't as sexy as I expected. Jo Caulderone (VMA's anyone?) was, but not football; ah, how disappointing straight boys can be at times. And to all of you that comment on ever chapter, I Frickin, Super-Duper, All Around, Teddy Bear Hugs love you. You know how to turn me into a little, blushing school girl. And though it's not a hard thing to do that to me, it's very special when its cause of you all. Keep up the awesomeness. Luv ya. XoXo.**


	8. Chapter 8

It had been a while since Kendall had been staying over at the house and Logan loved every moment of it; just absorbing every part of Kendall was intoxicating for him. Each day, at around eight-thirty, the tall blonde would come over and spend his night with Logan. Sometimes they'd do homework and sometimes they'd just watch TV together, but no matter what, it made Logan feel incredible. Like he was the best thing in the whole wide world and Kendall wanted him to know that.

And each day he'd bring him gifts; one day it was a bag of Hershey Kisses and one day it would be a stuffed animal, but no matter what, it was his newest prized possession. And after buying Jennifer the newest Adele CD that the news was always talking about, he'd started to win her over a little. Jason, not so much, but Logan had faith he'd change his opinion too, yet today was different. Because today, Kendall was late.

"I'm so sorry Kisses," Kendall said, racing in the door after Logan had gotten it, "I had some problems at home, but I did get you this." Kendall pulled a plastic covered rectangle and instantly, Logan's whole face brightened up; he knew exactly what it was. And he was so excited. Logan grabbed the camera from Kendall's hands and unwrapped it as fast as he could to see it. He had always had a mild interest in photography, but no one would ever get him a camera to experiment with and this one was as good as any. The blonde looked amused when Logan turned the black knob and took a picture of Kendall on the couch. He didn't exactly understand why, but he didn't mind it either. He'd found a new hobby.

"Kendall," Logan said, climbing on the couch next to his boyfriend, "thank you so much; it's great."

"Yeah, I guessed that by your reaction, but why do you like it so much; it's a cheap, disposable camera," Kendall responded, kissing Logan behind the ear.

"I know, but I love pictures; it's like being able to keep little memories forever."

"Well, how about next time I come, I bring you a new camera so you can take as many pictures as you want."

"Okay!" Logan shouted excitedly, "I'm going to start now," and Logan sped off up the stairs as the click of used film filled the air immediately.

Kendall thought it was so cute how Logan was reacting to all this, but when he heard a knock on the door, he instinctively unlocked it to find something he desperately didn't want to see.

"What the hell?" Jo shouted in his face while pushing her way into the house, "Why would you buy a camera and bring it here of all places and what is this, complex, supposed to be exactly."

"Um, one of the patients likes to take pictures and I decided to help him out," Kendall replied coolly, "is that a problem Jo; are you actually jealous of mental patients." Then the flit of footsteps came down the stairs and the familiar chocolate eyes appeared before them, brandishing the camera. 

"Cheese!" Logan shouted smiling to Kendall and Jo right before snapping the next picture.

"What the hell is he doing here," Jo said after seeing the crazy boy from camp, "have you been coming down here for him?"

"Jo, can we not talk about this right now," Kendall responded, seeing the distressed look on the brunette's soft face.

"No, we are going to do this now and the fairy next to us is going to explain why you have been spending all your time with him and not me," she commanded to the smaller boy who was cowering. "Did you not hear me psychosis; I said why has he been spending his time with you. He doesn't love you, he can never love you so if that's what he told you, then he lied to you. I command it, tell me now." She stammered, anger sliding through her voice like venom. "Are you deaf," she shouted even louder, the brunette with clouds in his eyes,

"No," Logan responded with his teeth buried into his bottom lip, "I hear you loud-and-clear."

"Then respond faggot," she screamed back, throwing her blonde curls side to side in frustration. 

"I don't know exactly what to say," the brunette responded, still not able to look up at her.

"Stop this shit Jo," Kendall interjected, stepping up between the person he lo-liked, and her, "let's do this when it's just me and you; he has nothing to do with this." He gestured to a fearful Logan who was now sitting on the arm of the couch.

"Fuck off Kendall," she stated, staring daggers at the boy sitting in front of her, "he's the home-wrecker, he'll explain the damage. Thoroughly."

"I just don't know what to say," Logan whimpered, wrapping his arms around himself like he always did when he got scared. Kendall recognized that immediately while panic started to quickly set in. 

"You don't know what to say," she spat out at him, "say that he's not here for you and he's never coming back."

"Then I'd be lying," Logan responded, still staring away, "And we're _not allowed to lie_."

"Oh, so schitzo can't lie anymore," Jo said, throwing her hands in the air, "when did loony homos like you start getting protection like this? You're worthless, hear me, absolutely worthless." 

"Were you not listening Jo," Kendall shouted back at her, all the while Logan just stared at the floor, "Leave him the fuck alone. Picking on a menally ill person; that's what's worthless."

"If that's the best you could come up with to protect your little whore over here then you must not love him like I thought."

"He's never said_ he loves me_," Logan shot back quickly before falling back into his chance.

"Oh, so I see he's playing both of us, who else are you playing on the side," she said cackling, "I guessed something like him just wouldn't do for you. If I wasn't woman enough though, why the hell would he be."

"Well, you're barely a_ woman in the first place_," Logan interjected again, slightly out of character for him; Jo turned gave him a look that would scare a veteran. 

"Oh, so now you can speak fag boy. So answer me."

"What's there to say; what do you want me to_ spit out for you_."

"Fucking tell me why he's here with you. What, have you been fucking him to keep him from not leaving you, because there is no reason anyone would ever want to be around a piece of trash like you. Especially when the only useful thing you could do is die." She pushed the brunette to the ground from where he was sitting on the arm of the couch for some kind of response, and a response she got. The smaller boy looked up with a different expression.

"_Tell him, tell the fag the truth"_ a gruff voice spat in the air before Logan threw his hands over his mouth and came back to reality. His eyes grew wide when Jo started to cautiously back up and go towards Kendall.

"What the hell have you done," Kendall growled when he saw Logan start to act-out, holding his hands over his mouth while different sounds exited his throat.

"I'm so, I'm so sorry," the brunette started to say when different words went into the air, _"For once in your life, be a man; don't apologize to her, hurt her." "No Logan, just stay where you are and let someone call the doctor. Don't move." "Stop babying him, he'll be an adult soon and he can't be a pussy in the real world. It's your fault we're in this mess." "What mess, falling in love," "No, falling in love with another boy. I sure as hell didn't approve of it." _Logan was on the ground in a ball with tears rolling down his now dormant eyes. Jennifer rushed down the stairs when she heard Logan talking to himself and she started screaming.

"What happened," she said, running up to Kendall and hitting him lightly on the chest, "Why is he on the floor harassing himself. What the hell did you do to him?" 

Jo didn't move or speak, rather just staring at the boy on the floor in the utmost level of disgust possible.

"Out," screamed Jennifer into the female blonde's face, "get out of this house now. And you," she was pointing to Kendall this time, "Go get a nurse now. NOW!" Immediately, Kendall raced out of the door and started sprinting down the block to the final building. He knocked on the door furiously when the head nurse swung the door open with a scowl on her face. 

"What is it," she said angry, "It's ten o'clock on a Friday night; this better be good."

"Someone had a relapse in the schizophrenic house, they're on the floor talking to themselves and, and writhing and crying. I don't know what to do" Kendall pleaded, tears flooding his eyes, "Please, I can't lose him, we need you now." The nurse threw a coat on quickly and started her car up before racing to the house were Logan was. Kendall thought that she was wasting time by taking the car, but he didn't think about it for more than a second. He needed to see Logan again. He needed to protect Logan from Logan. It was the only thing he could do. The nurse came in behind him to find Jennifer holding Logan's arms and body down and his head in her lap while he spat insults ever which way he could.

"_Get off of me you no good shit,"_ he shouted, crying and apologizing as soon as it came out, _"Let. Me. Go."_ The nurse grabbed a needle out of her pocket and came up to the sobbing boy slowly, not wanting to startle him. Slowly, having Jennifer hold his arms in place, she inserted the needle deep into a bruised spot on his arm and his big, brown eyes fluttered to a close. Kendall watched in horror as Logan went out for the night and the nurse called 911 who immediately got what had happened. 

"Look," she said, turning back to Kendall while treating bruises on Logan's body were he'd hurt himself, "You need to go with him in the ambulance; preferably I'd have Jennifer go, but I think it'd be dangerous to send her out right now. Take care of him okay, because he's one of our most exceptional cases. We've never had a patient get so far along in such short time and I don't want to see that get all undone." In an instant later, an EMS truck showed and loaded him onto a stretcher while Kendall climbed aboard, wiping tears away as fast as he could.

Logan woke up in an all too familiar setting with the white hospital bed and the children's show on the television, but this time, only one hand was cuffed to the bed. The other was free. But, were was Kendall; he had remembered him being there during the incident. Logan's head started to hurt when the voices tried to surface, but then he saw the flurry of blonde hair come into his vision.

''You okay Kisses," Kendall started, looking down at him, "you've had me worried all night."

"Me too," Ms. Hall interjected, "You scared the crap out of both of us."

"What happened last night," Logan said, having barely glimpses of all that went down. All that came to mind was the camera and flowing blonde hair.

"Logan," Ms. Hall started, "From the report we got from Jennifer and Kendall's testimony to the events, apparently Mr. Knight's girlfriend verbally harassed you until the voices came back to defend you. Kendall went and got a nurse while Jennifer held you down so you wouldn't try to injure yourself again. As soon as the nurse tranquilized you, they used the liquid form of your medicine and then got an extra dosage ready for you that's sitting on that table over there." Logan watched as the blonde rolled the table up to the bed. "Honestly, the extra dosages will cause you to feel drowsy more often, but it will also cage the voices. Your doctor said that you'll be back to normal soon enough, but for now, just rest."Logan quickly downed the water and the pill when Ms. Hall left the room again.

"I'm so sorry Kisses," Kendall started, "I'm just so sorry about all of this and you don't deserve all the shit I'm throwing at you and I just feel so guilty." Logan's eyes fluttered to a close as the gift of sleep started to drift over him, but he heard Kendall say one last thing. "I guess I feel so guilty because I think I might, well maybe, no, it's for sure because I think I might be in lo….." and then it all went to blackness.

Logan woke up to Kendall's face just a few feet away from his, feeling his dry throat gasp for air after extensive screaming.

"You okay Coco," said the blonde with a new nickname, "You were having one of those nightmares again."

"Yeah, I always do," Logan replied after examining Kendall in the chair next to his bed silently for a while.

"What is it?" the blonde interjected, slightly startling Logan in the bed, "Are you okay."

"Yeah, but-,"

"But what Kisses, I'll give you anything you want."

"But maybe it would help if you'd lay down with me for a little while; please."

"Logie, it's only three in the afternoon."

"Please!" Logan begged and Kendall gave up and got into the bed with brunette who was already falling back to sleep.

Kendall couldn't exactly sleep, but he didn't mind lying next to Logan because the things he was feeling before were rapidly increasing. He had never thought about really feeling real, real things for the petite teen, but right now, he was. He knew he'd been avoiding using love, but that wasn't because of his feeling. Well, it was, but he just wasn't ready to admit that to himself yet. He was thinking about all of their happy moments in the short time they'd been together and all the times the brunette had tried to say, 'I love you,' before chickening out and saying something completely different all together. And for the first time in a long time, Kendall could say he actually loved something back. 

He loved Logan Mitchell. He loved Logan more than anything he ever loved before, but how was he ever supposed to admit it. Because by admitting it, it meant that he couldn't hide behind shrouds of 'confusion,' and 'maybe I'm just bi.' Kendall kinda knew a few bi people and he knew this much, he had no feelings when he was with Jo or any of the other girls in his life. 

The only feelings he felt were with Logan and he knew what that meant. It meant that Kendall Knight, Preachers son and Red-blooded American, was gay. HE was GAY, GAY, GAY, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. And he didn't choose to be gay or choose to sin, because in the core of his stomach, he realized that he was born that way. That who you like isn't like what you choose as an ice cream flavor. That the gender you liked could be chosen just as much as your face could at birth. You have no decision in that process. So he was happy to have realized that with Logan by his side, but he was less than thrilled to have to tell anyone. But this just wasn't a secret that could go on forever and Kendall wanted to get the announcement out as fast as he could. And so he developed a plan that would out himself in the best way possible without ever having to say one word to anybody.

Kendall quickly pulled the phone out of his pocket and took a picture of himself and Logan in the bed before starting the text to Jo that would get out everywhere. When Jo was angry, she'd hurt herself in the process of trying to get revenge. And to her, probably the ultimate revenge would be outing Kendall to the world. Kendall, the son of the Pastor; how embarrassing for the family. He could already hear the church people's condolences to the Preacher who had lost his son to 'the gay agenda.' Ha! What was the gay agenda anyway; assless chaps and perfectly styled and colored hair. Real scary. It was funny how people could justify their bigotry sometimes, but Kendall came back to reality to finish the text. He could day dream about the response to his coming out later, but he'd actually have to do it first. 

"Happy Ms. Taylor, this is what you've done to my boyfriend. Thanks. From you gay ex, Kendall."

He pressed send while laughing a little; Jo was going to actually do a favor for him and Logan. Then Logan's eyes fluttered back open to Kendall lying next to him.

"Kendall," Logan asked while whipping sleep from his eyes, "How long have I been asleep."

"Long enough to be the cutest thing alive in this world," Kendall said back, drawing the brunette closer to him and shutting his eyes to copy the beautiful person next to him. He was actually tired anyway, now. And so as soon as he put his head on the pillow, they both fell asleep in the tiny bed, smiles on their faces.

"Hey sugar, I know you like taking picture a lot for some reason right now," the blonde started, getting Logan's attention immediately. "And I wanted to know if you wanted me to buy a camera from here for you to document all this."

"You'd do that for me Kendall," Logan replied giddily, "you'd get me a second camera to keep my memories."

"I'd do anything for you Kisses, as long as I got to see you smile," the petite teen blushed before biting into his bottom lip and smiling back at the blonde next to him. At the moment, Logan knew exactly two things.

That he was in Love with Kendall Knight.

That Kendall Knight was in love with him.

**Author's Note: So, how was it; I rewrote this same chapter like four times until I finally got it how I liked, so if it's super jumpy, it's because it's pieces of other versions with fill in it. Still, so far it's my favorite because I love when I finally get to bring the love word into these relationships. It's a great feeling to have, but I have a total tendency to jump-the-gun with it. Sorry if things just got interesting and then immediately got resolved, but it's foreshadowing. Almost everything so far has been on purpose. And I'm super sorry if I ever offend any of you guys (I'm a very opinionated bitch), so I really hope you can forgive me. Keep up your super awesome incredibleness and tell me what you thought. I know I say it a lot, but I crave reviews. They're like word crack if that makes sense. If it doesn't, doesn't make me love you less. Keep being you. Always. Luv ya. XoXo**


	9. Chapter 9

Logan sat in the doctor's office patiently with one hand voluntarily cuffed onto the circular-padded chair he was sitting on. The doctor finally entered the room with a wide smile and the brunette felt secure finally; even if he had wanted to do this session, he still hated being alone. Because when he was alone, he never truly was alone.

"Mr. Mitchell," the doctor started, shaking Logan's one free hand, "How are you?"

Logan knew the question was unnecessary, but he wouldn't have shown such disrespect to an older gentleman. That would be rude. "I'm, less than fine, to be perfectly honest with you," Logan replied frankly.

"I'm quite aware of that Logan," the doctor responded, "I can call you Logan of course, can't I."

"Of course sir," the petite teen said as soon as the doctor finished, "you're the superior, it's your call to refer to me as whatever you'd like."

"Mr. Mitchell, may I ask, who do you exactly consider to be your superiors; I'm curious."

"Well, if you'd like to know, usually people of a higher degree than myself in society or otherwise; there could be no way I could ever tell you, 'no'."

"Yet, you have, remember."

"That was not me Doctor; that was a voice in my head."

"So what you are telling me is that the voice in your head has the ability to say, 'no' when you can't because it doesn't fear authority?"

"Yes, he's quite reckless in that sense to be honest."

"What about any other voices; I heard another one in one of our sessions. What's its place in the chain of command?"

"Well, she is my rational voice who tends to be gentler with and around me and supports me. She's my strong-hold."

"Are there any others that tell you what to do?"

"At first there was a third, but the third and the first merged."

"How do you know that though?"

"Every time I hear him speak, I can hear the other voice at the same time."

"So, Mr. Mitchell, would you say you have issues with you parents and parental figures in general."

"With all due respect, why is this necessary doctor?"

"I want to get to know you Mr. Mitchell if I'm ever going to be able to truly help you."

"I see a therapist and take my pill, that's not enough."

"Logan, do you think you're crazy."

"That's beside the point, is it not?"

"It's a question and as your superior, I expect you to answer it?"

"Sir, I'm quite uncomfortable with this topic in general; is there any way we could avoid talking about this."

"Did you not hear my command in the first place?"

"I did, but I'd prefer not to answer that."

"It's not a question you can refuse."

"Please, I desperately don't want to."

"You are going too."

"I beg of you."

"I don't care."

"_Stand up to him Logan, you aren't crazy, just a pussy; Tell him how strong you really are."_ The gruff voice hit the air fast before he started to jerk upwards at the seated doctor.

"So, you're his masculine alter ego," the doctor asked while staring down at the large notebook in his hands.

"_Who the hell do you think you are old man, you don't know me," "Oh, I'm so sorry about him," _a second voice that wasn't Logan's rang into the air, _"His name is-," "Don't give this crap doctor our names ass; I don't want to deal with him anymore than anyone else does." "I'm so sorry Logan; he's just a little moody today. That's all."_ The doctor watched as Logan drew his knees to his chest and simply apologized while wiping tears from his eyes.

"What's wrong Logan," the doctor interjected, knowing all too well what was happening.

"I, I can't. Please. They hurt mmmmeeeeee," the brunette cried when the gruff voice surfaced again, _"If you won't take a stand Lora, then I will." "His name is Logan." "You treat him like a girl" "He is a beautiful boy and you are just angry." "What's there to be angry about, that he's a pussy." _"Shut Up!" Logan screamed, gnawing on the ends of his long jacket, "Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up!"

"Logan, who are you yelling at?"

"Them, the, the voices, do you not see them."

"Logan, the voices are in your head."

"_NO, I'm just as real as you doc, just a little less of a dumb ass."_ "I swear to Go-" _"What are you going to do."_

The doctor reinterjected, "He'll erase you forever."

"Yeah" _"How's he going to do that?"_

"Because you don't exist."

"_Are you insane."_

"No, Logan, you are."

"I, I am? I am!" Logan was acting strange as he finally came to terms with the fact that he really had lost his mind and was still recovering. That he was actually crazy.

"Tell them Logan; tell the voices that you own them. That they are nothing but a figment of your imagination that will die when you decide," The doctor was still writing in his notes, but he seemed to have a smile across his face.

"Yes. Yeah, you're in my head because, because, because I'm mentally ill and that's okay and it's not something to be so ashamed about. Because you don't own me. I do." The brunette smiled at the final statement and the doctor looked up at him. And for the first time, he was confident that the voices weren't coming back.

"Logan, I don't think it's too late to save you anymore," the doctor said with a wide smile and Logan started to think about Normal life again.

Jo was fearful for her boyfriend's soul and after seeing how he acted around the crazy fag, she realized that it was up to her to bring other's in to save him. She couldn't do this solely alone anymore and she needed the help of the one man that had more influence on Kendall than god himself, so she was exuberant when she got the text from the blonde. The text that had him in bed with the fairy and said he was her 'gay ex.' She had dated Kendall for three years now, so she knew why he'd done it. He wanted her to get pissy and send it out to everyone, but that would be letting him win. It'd be letting the fairy win, and in no way would she ever have that. She had different plans for that text. 

And anyway, they had not broken up and Kendall was not gay either, Jo had decided, because it just couldn't happen. She was supposed to marry Kendall and become the preacher's wife and be fawned over by all the other church ladies. Some doe-eyed whore wasn't going to be able to steal that position without a fight. Without a war and a bloody one at that. And so when she realized that the pastor had a relatively empty schedule, Jo decided that she had to do what she could. And it started with outing Kendall as a sinner to the one person who could save him.

"Pastor Knight," Jo started, giving the older man a confused look, "I'm worried about your son lately. He's been spending so much time over at those institutions. Do you wonder what he does there?"

The preacher shook his head, "He's administering to the sick like he said he was, I'm just surprised he didn't bring you in his group down there. You are his girlfriend after all."

"Sir, with all due respect, I believe that your son may be have ulterior motives for going because he doesn't bring anyone, but himself with him on those trips."

"What are you trying to suggest Jo?" he didn't turn to face her.

"I'm suggesting that I believe that Kendall may be cheating on me. With a Boy."

"How dare you accuse him of such," the older man said, turning around and standing up to tower over Jo, but she wouldn't be frightened so easily, "You should be ashamed of yourself for saying things like that. It's against the bible to gossip remember. It's one of the commandments and I won't be having that kind of sin be spreading over this office."

"Pastor, I have proof that this is no gossip," the blonde said, standing up to be on par with him and not be so easily thrown off her game, "Ever since camp this year, he's been acting very differently; have you noticed." The pastor rubbed his head and sitting back down, defeated as he realized she was right; ever since the incident with the boy, Kendall had been a different person. He was never at home and never with friends, but Pastor Knight had always put it to just passion for what he did. He'd never thought about it as a ploy to get his way. 

"Okay, I'll give you that one."

"I'm sorry to have to be the one to reveal this to you, but Kendall searched out and found the boy from the camp. And he's been spending the last few months with him."

"Oh,"

"I just found out myself."

He took a deep breath, "Is my son one of them Jo. Be honest."

"It can be fixed Pastor Knight; you know that better than anyone else."

"That's not exactly an answer is it Jo; be honest."

"Yes. Kendall had been tempted. He's a homo now; or at least, that's what he says."

"My son's been spending his time with a fag and I never knew."

"He hid it well Pastor, I had to follow him to find out."

"Is he, have they, are they; I just don't know what to even say."

"I know that he sent me this the other day," and Jo pulled out the text on the phone with the two boys in the hospital bed while the preacher looked away sick.

"I've spent so many years' warning him about this life style and he betrays me like this, I just don't know exactly what to say." He stared away in shame and disgust.

"Look, if you help me, I can make Kendall forget about all this; I'll make him forget about this fairy and move on with me. I just need you to pull some strings and get him to go out with me for once and not go over with, him. He'll listen to you." And so, the pastor dialed Kendall's number into his office phone while Jo watched intensely, forming a plan in her head on how to get rid of the brunette that was destroying her life.

Logan was excited for Kendall to finally take him all the pictures he had developed while he was in Therapy. He'd been working on making Picture books for were to put them all week and after four good camera's, he was sure he'd fill the first composition notebook he'd prepared. The nurses were nice enough to buy it for him, but he thought it was because of how unstable he was at the moment, but he didn't particularly mind. And when the big door swung open to reveal a handsome, blonde boy, Logan's heart was doing flips. He ran over to Kendall and gripped his mid-half hard, close to his while he buried his head in the taller's chest. This was the dream life.

"What's up with you today, Coco," Kendall asked while putting the packages of pictures on the table.

"I missed you so much today Kendall, I thought you'd never come back," Logan offered him a smile before running over to the couch to go through the pictures.

"Now tell me something, why on this earth would I ever do that," Kendall asked, plopping down next to Logan on the couch, "Anyway, how was breakfast."

Logan looked at him with a quirked eyebrow while sitting on the couch, "What."

"It looks to me like you had Lucky Charms," Kendall said, getting increasingly close to where Logan was organizing pictures across the cushion.

"Now what does that have to do with anything," the brunette shrugged while his eyes stayed focused on the stream of photos.

"Cause right now, you're looking magically delicious," Kendall jumped on top of him, pinning him down on the couch while he giggled before giving him a light kiss on the lips.

"Hey, cool it down you too," Jennifer said after walking down from her Soaps time, "I'd hate to have to sit between you too."

"It'd be stupid to try," Stefanie interjected, "Cause I sure as hell did and I'm on the floor." And sure enough, Stefanie had been sitting there the whole time and they never noticed. Logan guessed that maybe love really did make you blind.

"Jay, come look, the pictures came out great," and Logan started to go on and on about which ones were his favorites and which ones he couldn't stand. "But I think this is the best," he pulled the picture out that Sam had taken of Jennifer, Fender, Logan and Kendall all sitting on the couch. To Logan, it was everyone that truly was close, close to him. Not just house mates.

"That is a great one Logie, we should frame it," Jennifer offered, knowing his reaction before he could start to freak out.

"NO! We absolutely won't be breaking that rule ever again, especially after what happened last time with it. No." Logan shook his head to her amusement, but she didn't press the issue more, knowing it would be futile as soon as the first try was up.

"Hey Coco," Kendall started, breaking the picture conversation to move on, "how was the doctor today, you never told us."

"Well, he gave me good news," Logan went on, hugging up close to the blonde, "He told me that there was away for me to be normal again." Logan flashed everyone a smile, while Jennifer and Stephanie turned back quickly.

"How long will it take," Jay whined, making Logan a little sad; he hated knowing he hurt friends.

"Don't worry, it'll be a long time, he just gave me hope that it could work."

"Well, that's incredible Kisses, but I'll be right here in this house next to you until you move on from here," Jennifer shot a glare at Kendall who was still talking, "and Jennifer could come with us too, of course."

"Actually, my doctor told me a month ago that this is the farthest I'll ever be able to go since the, you know, the abuse," she said mournfully. "He told me that they would move me into, 'Permanent Housing,' once everyone else was done here."

"Well, I guess we'll have to go to permanent housing together then won't we," Logan said cheerfully back to her.

"Why?" she questioned, confused, moving her head from side to side and sending brown curls everywhere.

"Remember the scout motto," Logan said back grinning, "Never leave a friend behind," and with that, she climbed up onto the couch with Kendall, deciding they could both share Logan equally.

**Author's Note: I know, crappy fluff chapter, but it's important because Chapter ten on is all the ending. All of it up to sixteen. Because the ending is the biggest, most ambitious thing I have ever tried. Let's just say not everyone makes it out alive. I mean the set up is a Mentally Unstable Logan, Desperate Closeted Kendall, and Mega Evil Bitch Jo. You know someone aint gonna make it. So the domino's are all about to start falling. Anywho, I decided to update tomorrow as well just cause it's a holiday and you all deserve it for continuing to read this. I'll go back to normal schedule by tuesday. You're awesome. Thank you so frickin much for your amazing reviews and kindness. They absolutely mean the world to me. Luv Ya. XoXo**


	10. Chapter 10

Kendall hated being away from Logan for any amount of time anymore, but his dad asked him if he'd take Jo out for some reason and he couldn't refuse what his father said, so at 6:30 on Saturday, his car was sitting outside of her house. He just wanted to get it all over with and move on, but he knew if it was with Jo, it wouldn't be that simple. With this whole life, it never was that simple. But right before he was going to call Logan and go to the home, she walked out. And he didn't exactly know how to react.

There were a lot of words that could describe her current appearance, but Christian wasn't exactly one of them. Or maybe it was; she did have an oversized cross around her neck, on top of her bustier. She wore a tight black, sleeveless dress that was short with thigh high black boots and major 'fuck-me' heels. Classy. And her bright blue eye-shadow didn't help her appear any less like a slut. Or maybe it was her bright red lipstick, he wasn't sure. But he knew instantly what she was doing. And he found it hilarious.

"Hey Kendall," she purred, bouncing around her curled tips, "What are you doing here tonight?"

"You forced me to go out with you," He reminded her, starring forward while she advanced closer to him.

"Ah, don't be like that Ken," she said, twirling her hair in her fingers and putting a finger to his lips, "I just wanted to go out once in a while. I am still your girlfriend in this town, remember."

"So you didn't send the text out?" he said, nervous that he was right.

"Now why would I ever embarrass you like that," she said, giggling like an air-head at absolutely nothing, "You wouldn't want anyone thinking you're, that, would you. It'd be humiliating."

"THERE'S NOTHING HUMILIATING ABOUT BEING," and then he felt himself choke on the word. Finally, he spat it out, "gay." He was still getting used to the whole thing; for so many years that was such a bad word with him. Now it was who he was. 

"See, even you think it's disgusting," she threw her hands in the air to show this emotion, but it ended up almost popping one of her boobs out of the top, "Because you know it's not right."

"No, what's not right is this," he tucked them back in before she had a nip-slip; now that would be embarrassing, "And anyway, I always thought you were above being a slut."

"How dare you?" she said, starring out of the window, "I'm not a slut, I'm your girlfriend and you should treat me like that. I don't care how many whores you have on the side, but I'm officially yours and you'll treat me as such."

"In your dreams."

"Yes, you're right, I am the girlfriend of YOUR dreams and that will be how it always will be," she smirked at him, "So if we can, let's forget about the tramp for a little bit and have a nice dinner."

"Now how could I ever forget about you?" and before she could respond to the comment, he stepped onto the gas pedal as hard as he could, almost knocking her out of her seat in the process. 

Logan hated when Kendall was away, even if it were a short amount of time, but he had decided to take advantage of the situation and work on his picture books with Fender and Jennifer. What he didn't realize was how hard it would be to look at pictures of Kendall without the blonde actually being there. Plus, Jennifer was taking the picture time to curl her hair and try on different types of make-up.

"Jen," Logan pleaded from where he was sitting on her bed, "Please, come on; I really don't want to do this alone. Don't make me do it all alone."

"Then don't do it," Jennifer responded while putting the charcoal eye-shadow on, "I'm busy if you haven't noticed. Plus, isn't fender down there with you?"

"He's asleep," the brunette responded, pointing to the tall, long-haired boy sprawled across the bed, "And you promised, remember."

"Uch, Fine," she said, turning to face the grinning Logan on the bed, "But you have to do me a favor first; help me with all this."

"But-,"

"Nope, no buts, I need your help," she replied smiling back at him, "You're my best-friend, remember, and I need someone to brush out my hair so the curling will go faster. Isn't that what you want, this to go faster."

"Fine," Logan pouted back, "But as soon as we finish, you're sitting on this bed with me and working on this book. Got it."

"Yeah, I know, just get over here."

Logan giddily hopped off the bed to go over to the boudoir with a giant mirror that Jen was tentatively sitting at, coming right behind her to shock her a little.

"I can see you Logie," she said as he crept up behind her, "but for now, all I need is for you to hold my hair."

"You aren't drunk are you," he said giggling, vividly remembering the awful time she was.

"Not funny," she responded, twisting her face into a glair, "They still yell at me about that."

"Yeah, but you are a hilarious drunk."

"Are you saying that I'm not funny all the time?"

"No, but I am saying that you can be really …. Rude."

She hit him with a comb, "If you mean Bitch, just say it."

"You already did."

"With friends like you, who needs enemies?"

"Hey, you're the one who called themselves the bitch," he replied, running the brush on her stand through her hair, "Plus, you're also the one who broke their promise first."

"Yeah, but you're the sweet one, I'm not; you shouldn't expect so much of me next time."

"At least you're honest."

"See, you're starting to get it."

"Yeah, Bitch," he responded, pushing her forward and jumping onto the bed after she missed with the mascara brush and went all the way up her eye-lid.

"Just for that, I get to do your make-up now," she yelled, jumping out of the chair and chasing Logan around the house before they both laughed about it for an hour and fell asleep in her bed of pure exhaustion, next to the stacks of pictures.

Kendall was getting really annoyed with just how flirty Jo was being at the moment, and if she bent over one more time, the dress might split. That's what you get for wearing something three sizes too small; and if you do that and then actually eat. He didn't really care about people's weight, but the dress was doing her no favors in the bloated department. And she seemed to notice.

"So Ken," she started, putting her oversized clutch over her stomach, "What have you been up too lately."

"I've been away," he responded, still pissed she was putting up this whole charade, "you know, with my boyfriend."

"Oh, that pesky ole-thing," she did her vapid giggle again, and it was even more annoying the second time than the first, "Well don't you worry, I'll take care of that soon enough."

"Dammit Josephine," he yelled, slamming his fists against the table, "Why are you doing this. Why can't you just live with the fact that we're over?"

"Well Kendall Austin Knight," she said quietly, but anger seething from her tone like poison, "let me make something absolutely clear, we aren't over. We'll never be over. We are going to finish High School together and you will propose to me on our first day of college with our parents both there and you'll smile at me and be happy. Do you understand me? You will be fucking happy with me and we'll have three kids together and a small dog that you'll walk every day. And you'll be a preacher and you are going to run your father's camp and forget about your little fling. So start to mother-fucking day because I'll make his life; got that, not yours, his; a living hell. I don't know how, but I will make him suffer to make you pay if you stay with him. So, here's your ultimatum, forget about him or hurt him. And choose carefully before if the choice is up to me, I won't be as merciful." She looked down and took a sip from her drink on the table before seeming to forget the previous conversation. "So, ready to go the movies." Her huge smile hid her obvious distaste for what had just happened, but Kendall found himself nodding slowly while thinking. 

There was no way he could ever allow anyone to hurt Logan, he was too precious, but he also knew how simple it'd be to do so in the first place. He lost his sanity every time a ring-tone, so it would only take one good trick from his ex to send his love over the edge. And that scared him the most because a world without Logan wasn't a world at all. It was an empty shell with a few people who would bother him. So, after long thought during the movie with Jo, he'd developed a complicated plan. A plan to get the brunette out of harm's way and him away from all this life. And it could go a lot of ways, and he was hoping for a 'non-Romeo and Juliet' ending, but if that's what it would take to be together in the end, he certainly wasn't above it at all. 

So after a long time of thinking, Kendall had made an important decision. Kendall Knight and Logan Mitchell would run away together and never look back. It was the only way. And if they didn't, then they'd be fucked. Or dead.

But to get this plan in motion, he'd have to throw Jo off his trail and to do that, he'd have to do something that felt like death. Because all he wanted to during it was die. Because for the first time in a long time, he'd be the one to hurt his Coco. So, after an hour of a gloating Jo, he walked outside the theatre and called Logan while she stood next to him, listening intently.

"Hey, Logan," he hated saying the beautiful brunette's name so harshly, "I'm not coming home tonight. I'm not coming home ever again, because, because, because I don't want you anymore. Get out of my life, because I'm leaving yours. Permanently, and don't look back. We'll go our separate ways and move on. Forget about me, and this and everything else. Burn the bear, cut up the pictures, break the CDs. Because you're nothing to me. Nothing but an honest mistake." A tear left his eye when he hung up, and all he had left would be the possibility of Logan letting him in in the morning.

After being disturbed from sleep by the loud wringing outside his door, Logan hurried to see who was calling. His hope was that it was Kendall telling him where he was and when he recognized the number, he got so excited that he missed the call and it went to message. But, as soon as he heard his real name mentioned at the beginning, he knew something was wrong.

"Hey, Logan," Kendall started, breathing heavy because something obviously wasn't right at the moment, "I'm not coming home tonight. I'm not coming home ever again, because, because, because I don't want you anymore. Get out of my life, because I'm leaving yours. Permanently, and don't look back. We'll go our separate ways and move on. Forget about me, and this and everything else. Burn the bear, cut up the pictures, break the CDs. Because you're nothing to me. Nothing but an honest mistake."

Logan melted onto the floor, tears filling his eyes before flooding his cheeks when he felt light arms wrap around him and pick him up off the cold floor.

"It's okay Logan," Stephanie sighed, pulling him closer to her while she dragged him over to the couch, "Don't let the voices come back."

"I – I – I don't know what, what, what I did wrong," Logan moaned, getting her dry shirt damp fast, "I … I though he lu-la- loved me*sob*."

"He does honey, who couldn't love you," she said, caressing his hair like she saw Jennifer do when she was comforting the petite boy, "You're beautiful, and stunning, and witty, and smart, and talented, and gorgeous, and did I say beautiful. There's nothing not to love about you. I just wish you were straight." He giggled a little at that, but he ended up choking and then crying more.

"Wha- Why are you being so, *sob* so nice to me Stephanie," he said softly, interested in her change of heart, "I thin … think this is the first time we *moan* have ever talked this much with each other."

"I'm not exactly sure," she responded honestly, "but I've always been jealous of Jennifer and your friendship."

"Well," he snuggled into her chest like he used to Kendall, "you're my new friend now bestie," and they both curled up on the couch while Jennifer slept hard on the bed upstairs. He was always grateful for awesome friends and he was sure that this was one that could last for a while after this. The real question was if he could last after this. A world without Kendall wasn't a world at all.

**Author's Note: Who else wants to cut a certain bitch named Jo. If you didn't hate her before, I'm sure you hate her now. I think we can virtually fight her if we try. But not all is lost. Kendall isn't going to give up this easy. So review and comment and tell me how you feel. It makes me smile. Keep up the incredibility and tell me how you - I was reading BOP (Yes, I read BOP religiously) and they had a BTR interview and they asked each member whose place they'd like to take for a day and James said Lady Gaga. Who else would love to see James as a Gaga Drag Queen? I think I could die after that. Here's hoping for Big Time Drag season 3. Ha! Luv ya. XoXo.**


	11. Chapter 11

Logan woke up with an all too familiar pair of emerald eyes while he brushed sleep from his own and started too wiped off dry tears; the events of last night were still very real.

"Fuck Kendall," Logan could hear Jennifer start, "What the hell did you do this time? Rabid Ex, Christian Daddy, what?"

"Look Jen, I-," Kendall tried to reply before being cut off.

"At the moment, we aren't on a level where you can simply call me, 'Jen'; I'm Jennifer to you right now," she said with her arms across her chest.

"I, I made a mistake, that was all," he defended when he saw Logan's eyes open slightly, "Kisses, are you alright?"

"Shut up Ass," Stephanie stated, still under the brunette, "you don't get to keep doing this."

"Yeah," Jennifer joined in, "Stephanie's right; ever since you got here this type of shit's been happening a lot."

"Look, I don't give a damn what you two think, I'm worried about him," he pointed to Logan, who was still waking up slowly, "Up yet Coco."

Logan looked away, not sure what was going on still; he knew that something was wrong in the message, but this was beyond confusion for him. Why was Kendall back and looking after him if the night before, he'd sworn that they'd never see each other again? "Kendall," Logan said back hesitantly, "why are you here?"

He could read the sting on the blonde's face when Kendall responded, "I'm here for you beautiful; I'm here to tell you the truth." Logan was still so confused and muddled in thought before the blonde continued, "That message last night, it was all a lie. I tried to slip any kind of hint I could into it, but I guess I didn't do good enough cause you're here all torn up on the couch. Look Logie, you know how much you mean to me. I, I, I like you, a lot and I would never in this life time leave you. It killed me to say that word for word, but I had my reasons. Look, it's not safe for anyone to know about us; people could try," he couldn't quite get it out, "they could hurt you, and that's my biggest fear."

"That's bullshit and you know it," Jennifer shouted into Kendall's face to Logan's surprise.

"Fuck off Jennifer, you aren't involved."

"Um, yes I am, I've been involved from the start and the moment you broke Logan's heart the first time, I knew that you weren't good for him. So I am going to do what I should have done from the start; get out Kendall, get out and never come back. The only one hurting Logan is you."

Logan starred forward blankly while the events unfolded around him. What exactly was he supposed to feel about all of it, his life was just too complicated right now. It was just a few months before that he could say that he was happy with his simple, narrow life, but of course, Kendall fucked that up too. And nothing made Logan happier than the fact that the blonde ruined that dream. But at the moment, he was lost for words and when he saw Kendall shouting at him to answer; he simply stared forward to not have to endure any more pain. And when he saw the flurry of blonde hair storm out of the house and the door lock, he felt his heart get taken with him. And without his heart, he simply refused to live any longer.

Kendall had a feeling it would all end like that; as soon as he walked in and saw Logan in shambles, he knew that he had fucked up big time, but it wasn't his fault. And he wasn't going to give up the best thing to ever happen to him, so instead of going permanently like the girls had demanded, he rode to that familiar convenient store to do something that could never be changed. He quickly bought a throw away phone and put ten minutes on it and then he grabbed a camera for good measure. To convince Logan to go along with this ever, he'd have to have incentive. Finally, after an hour of working on the thing and getting everything ready, he typed the familiar number in and was greeted by something that made him smile.

"Hi," Logan chimed, "May I ask who's calling; this is a private number."

"I don't know which is prettier today, the water, the sky, or you," Kendall said into the phone with his eyes closed, imagining the brunette that was on his mind night-and-day.

"Ken-," immediately the blonde could hear the smile in his voice when he had cut himself off, "You, you know you aren't supposed to call. You know that. And how did we not recognize your number."

"Iboughtanewphone," Kendall said out as fast as he could cause he was desperate to tell the brunette what he needed, "but that's not the point; point is this. Jo swore to hurt you if I didn't leave and, and I can't leave you and I can't let her hurt you. So, I need to get you away from here, where she can never find you again. You can't stay where you are, so I need you to pack everything that's essential to you and be ready for me at eleven tonight. Got it, eleven, because I have a big surprise for you."

"Ka – Don't you think you're over reacting; I'm the mentally unstable one, remember."

"Look Coco, just do it, I know it doesn't make since now, but give it time and you'll see. Just be ready, because I think you'll love what we're gonna do."

"Okay, if you insist," he could hear the pause from across the line, "but am I ever coming back."

Kendall knew that this wasn't an easy question to answer honestly because it was the most irrational part of all, but he did it anyway, "No. " and with that, he hung the phone up so that he didn't accidently say the l-word yet. He had very different intentions of when he was going to say that to a conscious Logan. He wasn't going to screw this up again. But he had a lot of time so he ran to the car to go fuck around town till eleven that night. 

After going to go pick up Logan's big surprise, he was startled when his own phone started to ring.

"Kendall Austin Knight," his father's voice boomed over the line, "what is this I hear about you not coming to the church grill off tomorrow."

"Sir," Kendall instantly regretted the text he sent his dead that he couldn't come.

"Don't Sir me son, you know how important it is for you to be here. You don't have to come for long; I just need you to show up so I can show off my family for a bit. You can go back to the ward and help some more, but this church, not the patients, should be priority one."

"But," 

"No buts,"

"I need to speak though."

"We can speak tomorrow. And if you aren't there, I'll send Jo out to get you from the home you're at, so choose wisely."

"I'll see you tomorrow Dad," Kendall said with a scowl. It meant they'd have to go to the picnic tomorrow and see Jo before they finally left. Forever. But all he wanted was to leave right now.

"You as well, You as well." The Pastor said, clicking the office phone back into place before turning back into his office. He had his own intentions if the sick boy he was, with, showed up with him there.

Logan was nervous about what Kendall had told him, but for some weird reason, he trusted the blonde boy. And now, he apparently trusted him with his life, because he knew what happened if a patient ever tried to run away from here. They'd be put into permanent housing, and not the nice permanent housing, but the cold housing of the mental ward in a hospital. Of course, it wasn't really permanent, but it was at least thirty-five times harder to escape there than where he was now could ever be.

But there was something about Kendall that could get him to drop everything he had and was just to be next to him. Logan guessed that it was the sense of safety, but he knew the real reason, but the real reason was still an unspeakable one. He loved Kendall Knight. He loved every strand of tissue; every fiber that made up the teen that could turn him into a puddle of confusion. Who took him to the very edge and then pulled him back just as soon, just to get him into an embrace. And Logan enjoyed it. He enjoyed every moment of it, but this would be different. And while he was contemplating it all, the alarm clock by his bed began to steadily ring. Eleven O'clock sharp.

Immediately, he grabbed the mesh blue bag and the folder with his pictures and tip-toed down the stairs before putting his keys on top of his letter to Jennifer. He was honest with her in it, telling her that he didn't know where he would end up, but he knew that she would be upset, yet it was worth it if he just got to be with Kendall. Because living with Kendall happily ever after would get him over any fears, even this one, and so he raced out of the house, shutting the door as quietly as possible to the black car he could still remember from their first true night together. But the mood was completely different this time, even if Kendall was leaning on the hood like before and smiling. And then he heard the snap and the flash.

"Did it hurt when you fell?" Kendall asked with a grin while putting the camera down next to his side. Logan had a feeling it was one of his cutesy jokes, but at the moment, he was looking at the new camera.

"You Got me a new Camera!" Logan responded ecstatically as he scooped it out of Kendall's hands.

"Yeah, but you didn't answer."

"Okay, I don't know, why it would hurt," Logan replied while snapping a picture of nothing in general.

Kendall smiled again, "Cause heavens along way up Coco," and he pulled a blushing Logan closer for them both to escape the cold. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, I'm ready; I'm ready to be with you for the rest of time."

"You know as soon as we leave, we can never come back right."

"Yeah."

"Don't you think we're crazy for doing this then" Kendall reasoned out to Logan, which the brunette found bizarre.

"Kendall, I'm crazy in the first place," the petite teen replied jokingly, snuggling into Kendall's strong chest against the biting wind.

"Well, I'm crazy for you," the blonde responded, "That's why I did this." He pulled two tickets out of his back jean pocket and put them up the Brunette's face and he felt his heart skip a beat when he saw Logan's face. He almost dropped the camera.

"No way," Logan responded, the smile on his face turning him into a Cheshire, "No way at all."

"You mean 'No Doubt'," Kendall responded smirking.

"I mean GWEN STEFANI!" Logan shouted a little too loudly, forcing Kendall to jump, "sorry," he added quickly.

"Well, I remember how much you told me you love her, and," Kendall was just happy to see Logan act like this, "And I knew that I had to do this for you. They're in town for one nights only and I had a little money left over to get us okay seats, but we have to go now if we don't want to miss them."

"Wait, it doesn't start till eleven?"

"Well, the opening act started at ten, so I'm figuring she doesn't start till eleven," Kendall responded, opening the brunette's door for him.

"You know Kendall, you aren't supposed to go to concerts like that," Logan pointed out, still smiling, "You're supposed to enjoy the whole thing."

"I kinda figured I could be your opening act," Kendall said, gripping Logan's face lightly and kissing him on the lips gently. "Was that a good performance?"

"Yeah, but I think we could do a little better," Logan said as he slinked across the seat to right in front of Kendall's face and smashed their lips together.

Immediately, Kendall started to have flash backs of the camp while the smaller boy wrapped his arms around his neck. It felt a little like the first time. But, this kiss was entirely different than that other time. It was even deeper and Logan was even more invested, with the smaller boy slightly thrusting himself into it all. And instinctively, the blonde took lead, pulling Logan in and tasting his lips, but it wasn't enough. So, he slipped his tongue into the other boy's mouth and immediately, it felt right. And then when Logan started to do the same and they collided, it was breath taking. Yeah, Kendall had done this lots of times, but something about the brunette made him feel like it was his first time. was that quality of innocence and vulnerability that made it so different. With Logan, he was forced to be gentle, and with that, he learned what true passion was, and it was fucking amazing. But after a long time, he knew he'd have to go up for breath and though it seemed like a pained ending, they separated from each other.

"That was … Incedible," Logan said, still trying to catch his breath after something like that, "that was *breath* the perfect show opener."

"Yeah, it was, wasn't it," the blonde replied, putting his foot on the pedal and speeding out of the tiny driveway, "But then again, you could open anything perfectly." Logan blushed before they sped off, past the big gate and out into the big city and for the first time in a very long, long time, Logan felt normal.

**Author's Note: The Concert thing is actually important, but you'll see why on friday; I din't just throw it in there because I love Gwen Stefani. Not at all. ****I know, I've jumped the shark already, but I felt it's necessary for this story. But we have five more chapters, so bear with me and just accept some of the insanity of it all. After all, it's about a crazy boy. I hope you guys enjoy the ending because the big death is coming up. Maybe it's soon, maybe it's the very end, but its gonna happen. Would that make it be a Big Time Death? Anyways, review and tell me how you feel because I love to know. Your reviews honestly mean a lot to me. A frickin lot. So just do it. Sorry for the pressure, So I'll just say keep up your awesomeness and be you. Luv ya. XoXo**


	12. Chapter 12

Kendall knew that he shouldn't have gone to the picnic that day; he should have taken Logan and ran away with him and never looked back like was the plan. But he just couldn't pass up the chance to give his Coco an experience on their first night together. As he got to know Logan, he found out that he missed out a lot on life and when he found out that the brunette had never been to a concert, Kendall almost fainted. Who hasn't been to a concert? Or maybe it was because he just wanted to relish every experience with him. And though it seemed like it was worth it at the time, he was starting to regret it now. He was regretting it as he maneuvered his boyfriend through the church event. And maybe, maybe he stayed for it just to say good-bye. Good-bye to this town and these people and Jo and his Father. Little did he know that it wouldn't be that simple? In their relationship, what was?

Kendall didn't want to take Logan with him to the picnic, but they didn't exactly have a place to stay and the brunette was glued to the blonde. And he loved when Logan was so clingy, but he couldn't tell if it was out of fear or love. And if it was fear, it broke his heart.

"If I could escape," Logan sang under his breath while clinging to Kendall's side to the horror of the church, "I would but first of all let me say. I must apologize for act-,"

"Whatcha singin Logie," Kendall said smiling back at the petrified teen next to him, "It was really pretty. You're really pretty."

"Kendall, what does that have to do with anything," Logan said with a puzzled look on his face at the blonde.

"Wow, snappy now are we," Kendall responded with a smirk; Logan just being by his side could make his day one-hundred percent better, even if he was here, "I was just saying you should sing more, plus, you look really hot today."

"Kendall, I'm a mess."

"A hot-mess."

"Ha, very funny, but I'm not sure if this is the time for the flirtyness."

"Why not."

"Aren't we in the house of god or something like that?"

"Yeah, that's why it's perfect; we're in the house of god and you're my little angel," he started to kiss the brunettes neck lightly, tickling his hips in the first place to get him to lean into it and laugh. 

"Ka, Kendall, ssssstopp, not nnnnnowww," Logan pleaded laughing, but the blonde didn't care; he wanted everyone there to know. Because they'd never see them again.

"Um, Kendall," Jo said with a scowl, her arms crossed tightly around her chest, "who's this with you; a very sick patient."

"Oh hey Jo," Kendall said lightly, in a very good mood, "I just wanted everyone to meet my boyfriend."

"Ha, very funny," the blonde girl retorted with eyes on fire, "But, you shouldn't bring sluts to church, it's quite rude."

"Shut up Jo," Kendall said with his teeth barred, making sure that everyone sitting around eating could hear each word decisively. He wasn't up for faking anymore. For the first time in a long time, he was ready to bare all and be real. "You know this is my boyfriend. Logan, remember."

"Still with that absolutely. Hilarious. Sense. Of Humor," Jo responded, doing her best to fake an unconvincing smile.

"Cut the Shit Jo," Kendall was getting frustrated with the fact that whenever she decided something wasn't real, she'd act that way, "Does it make you feel better for me to say that I like dick. Huh. Better."

"Kendall, there are people here," she replied, obviously furious. 

"I'm not to fucking worried one of these ninety-two year olds is gonna do anything anyway; worst case, I give one a heart attack."

"This isn't the time nor place for this and you know that better than any."

"Yeah, I do know that, and that's why I decided to do this now; no more denying it Josephine, your boyfriends gay. Gay. Gay. Gay. Fucking Gay."

"Fine, you want me to acknowledge the fact that you'd flaunt your stupid little whore in front of my face," Kendall didn't realize what he'd unleashed exactly, but Jo was no longer capable of being stopped. "That you could somehow one day ruin my life for this little piece of shit boy; you can't even pick someone that I could be jealous of for a good reason. No, no, you can't pick someone tall, or beautiful or rich, so at least I feel bad with purpose. No, you fucking pick a psychotic, sickly little fairy boy. What; I wasn't feminine enough for you so you pick him. I don't even fuckin know. What does he do for you? What, he gives a great blowjob. Can take it real deep up the ass. Why him. Why would you pick someone in this world like him? Over me!"

"Do you hear yourself right now," Kendall shouted back into her face, "How selfish are you Jo. How-,"

"It's your turn to cut the selfish bull crap," she screamed back, "I gave everything, everything, up for you. I missed summers and opportunities to have real friends and a real life so that you'd be happy for once. I've been giving up a promising life to stand by your side as the perfect girl friend. I became a mother-fucking nun just to please you and it was never enough. You know how many scholar-ships I gave up to be with you. Oh right, you never even listened when I wanted to talk about that."

"Oh," was all Kendall could manage in response to all of that because it was all very true; every time he asked her, she'd give him one-hundred and ten percent. It was part of what he thought made their relationship work for so long.

"Yeah, 'oh,' because you have the nerve to let me do all of that crap while you have something on the side. And of all things, a boy. After all the rhetoric you'd make me listen to from your dad about the poison of the homosexual choice. I took every ounce of it while you were apparently off with one of your tarts. So I have the right to be absolutely pissed. I have the right to own you. Because for so long, I let you own me."

But what no one expected was what came out of Logan, "I'm so sorry Jo," he said, throwing himself onto the ground in front of her, "I'm so sa- sorry *sob*, I'll leave, I'll go away, I'm just so sorry." He grabbed her knees to balance himself while tears rolled down his cheeks, but Jo showed no apathy. She was upset and in a swift move, she kicked the brunette off of her, hard onto the ground.

"Get your whore off of me," she said with barred teeth, "He doesn't know me and I sure as hell, don't know him." He cried harder when he hit the ground, the dust around him quickly rising into the air. Kendall seemed to be able to feel every blow. 

"Look, it's not enough for you to embarrass him in public," Kendall yelled, "but he apologizes and you have the nerve to hurt him back."

"I'm fucking sorry faggot," she hollered at the sobbing boy on the ground, "maybe grow a spine and that kind of shit couldn't happen to you." 

"Shut the fuck up," Kendall yelled back and the scream off they were getting in was getting very intense, "Don't ever even address him again. Got that. You don't know him. You know me, so if you're gonna take your shit out; pick the right person. Fucking take it out on me, not him."

"Oh I'm sorry, did I offend your fudge-packing boy-toy," she responded, "or are you the cock-sucker. Doubt it after seeing this little shit, but you seem to have a lot of surprises for us right now. So why don't you tell me, I'm sure you could explain it all to us."

Kendall was quickly losing his calm when he realized that Logan was gone, and when he stopped to follow were the soft trail of footsteps went too, he saw that they led into the forest. And at the edge of the forest were the rapids.

Logan didn't exactly know how to react when Jo was freaking out on him and Kendall, but when he heard what Kendall had done to her, all he could do was feel sorry. He never wanted to be the home wrecker and that was exactly what he was. So when he apologized, he was only hoping for just a little bit of forgiveness; of recognition that he was sorry. He knew it was selfish, but he needed it to live with himself. To live with the fact that he was destroying her and Kendall's lives, so when he felt the cold black boot kick him off of her, he realized what she was saying. There would be no forgiveness and sure as hell, there would be no acknowledgement. And so he just couldn't stay there any longer. His whole life, he'd merely run away from problems until they crippled him and he had every intention of escaping before he could no longer try. And then he noticed the nearby woods.

So while they were fighting, he ran as fast as he could. He ran like he was being chased by every monster out of his nightmares that was threatening to come to life and destroy him. Logan had never been fast; he never was even considered a good athlete, but at the moment, he felt like he was floating on air. To him, the trees seemed simply like green wind and the airlessness of the moment finally made him feel free. And for so very long, he'd simply wanted freedom. And that feeling could have lasted forever if it wasn't for the fact that he was absolutely paying no attention to where he was going. And that's when he felt everything tumble down on him. When the limbs hit his legs and tore his jeans, he didn't notice at first, but for some reason he did on this particular one. And lying on that forest floor was no good feeling for him. But no, he couldn't turn around now, he was just too far, so he got up, nursing his wounded leg while limping forward as fast as he could to continue into the great unknown. But he started to feel the fear of what the unknown particularly was crash in on him.

What was he doing? Where was he going in particular? With no survival skills and already an injury, how did he plan to survive out here? Did he plan to survive? Was this a big suicide attempt? When were the voices coming to work their magic and guide him finally? By thinking that, did he want them to return? How could Kendall ever love him when he had a perfect Jo right in front of him? Had Kendall ever truly said he loved him? Did Kendall even care for him other than as a play thing? Was he simply his try-on? A toy that he would return as soon as he decided it had officially broke?

In a particularly painful moment, Logan broke down and fell on his knees while the blood from the wound started to double and cried out into the general unknown, "I'm Not Your Toy" and just then, he heard the ring of church bells. The distinctive chime to signal that the hour had turned and god was still here. Hah, what god Logan wondered. What god would create something as pathetic and weak as him? If there ever was a god, Logan was obviously one of his hideous mistakes. Doomed to wonder the earth lonely and mindless. And the brunette never wanted to be that.

When he was at the home, he had friends. He had good friends like Fender and Jennifer and apparently Stephanie and medicine and food and happiness. Why the hell had he ever left? Logan was silently contemplating this while his weak legs guided him forward, past the wringing church bells and down just a little further to a ledge with a tiny, white lake next to it. Well, it was more like a stream because it wasn't exactly a river, but it ran and it ran fast. If someone were to fall in and say 'they couldn't swim,' Logan was sure they'd die. They might even die on impact just because of the crushing speed and rocks and so on.

And what do you know; Logan had never learned to swim. But he'd never learned a lot of things, like how to be social, or make friends, or like the right things, or impress the right people. No, instead Logan Mitchell was the loser who no one liked; who was helpless and needy. And that's when it all suddenly fell into place for him. He could get rid of everyone else's pain through one simple move. Who could it really hurt? Kendall never really said he loved him and if he was gone, Jo could be happy. Everything would fall back in its natural order and he wouldn't have to worry about trying to stay healthy anymore. How could the voices ever get him if he was gone? It would lighten Mrs. Halls load and it would make life so much easier for the doctor that had helped him so much.

But something inside of him screamed for him to be rational. It told him that he would be missed; that lots of people truly loved him and that he wasn't worthless. That he had a great future and one day, long ahead, maybe he'd be married to Kendall and live happily ever after. All he had to do was get away from the water's edge and go back to safety. And he could do that, couldn't he. He had learned to save himself. But then, a booming voice appeared from behind him, almost startling him into the water.

"He doesn't love you," the tall man behind him said, dressed in a pastor's usual uniform, "How could anyone ever love something like you. Look at you, standing on the edge like someone with more issues than they can count. Then again, I remember you clearly, so I guess I should know how many issues you have exactly."

And then an all too familiar voice spat back, _"Finally, someone has decided to tell this homo the truth," _and Logan knew it was over. The jig was up. Now, the only way to silence his head would be an ending dive into the freezing cold water below. And the instant thrill of death crossed his mind again.

**Author's Note: Kendall just has this ability to make everything perfect before completely fucking it up. And with this, he's about to seriously screw it all up when he's so frickin close. Maybe a Big Time Death? Who knows, well, I do, but that's not the point, the point is there is another update tomorrow and you'll find out just what's gonna happen. So review and tell me how upset you are that I'm teasing you with Logan on the cliff's edge. Who knows? *possible spoiler* Kendall could get shot (Jo is pissed) or *possible spoiler* the Pastor could have a heart attack. Comment and do all that wonderful stuff. Ahhhhh! Don't hate me, tragedy hasn't struck, YET! Luv ya. XoXo**


	13. Chapter 13

The pastor gave him a strange look before backing up, but obviously, he wasn't done with his upcoming sermon, "Even you can't stand yourself, why are you even here anymore." The tall man's statements seemed childish at first, but soon it hit Logan. He had to have created the voices somehow and why would he create a voice that didn't like him unless somewhere he felt the same way.

Then a different voice rose up, _"No, don't listen to him Logan, he doesn't know you and he never will."_

The man behind him smiled a little before advancing forward back to where he stood in the first place, "Hah, I probably know you better than you know yourself Logan Mitchell; son of Kevin and Lucinda Mitchell, Baptist, socially awkward, strange, Homosexual." Logan starred at him in disbelief, he had never really met this man before, but for some reason, the camp was rushing back to him fast.

"How do you know this," Logan asked quietly before something hit him like a bullet, _"Shut up and listen to the man pansy; he's obviously the only one besides me trying to help you here." "No Logan, don't do it, step far away from the ledge and try to find Kendall. He'll know what to do, find him," "I'm so fucking tired of you with all your bullshit. He doesn't need to find Kendall, he needs to forget Kendall."_

"He's right," the pastor responded, "You need to forget about Kendall and go far away; get out of this town and away from my family. Forever. Just go away." And then it all made sense. Logan knew from what Kendall had told him that his dad was the preacher at the local church. The very same church that had sponsored the camp that Logan lost his mind at. And he knew the head pastor from the sponsoring church was the head of the camp too. And since Logan was a, stand-out, case, he was sure they read over his file many times. This man had obviously been thinking about the brunette a lot.

"NO! he's not right, and you're not right because Kendall loves me and, and, well," _"Kendall would never want you to hurt yourself honey, that's what you're looking for." _"Yeah," Logan agreed with the higher pitched voice, "Yeah, because your son, Kendall Knight, loves me." Logan smiled in triumph at the man who was seemingly disgusted by his presence.

"He doesn't love you because you're pathetic; look at yourself and were you are right now. Don't you think if he loved you he'd be talking you off the ledge?"

"Well, he was fighting with Jo the last time I saw him, and, and, I ran away before he could realize I was gone, so, yeah, he's just taking a long time." _"We both know you're lying to yourself with that, he's just moved on. Because who would honestly look for you." _"Shut up, no one asked for your opinion," _"Yeah," "Why don't you both just go away. Okay, just do it Logan, just get rid of yourself to silence that other bitch. If for anything, give me peace from all your wining and crying." _It was the first time the voice was ever frank with the brunette, which Logan found quite bizarre.

"Just do it; Just finish yourself off so this world won't have too," the Pastor had decided to back off a little, even if he wasn't finished, cause he realized that the petite teen could do this all himself.

"_You know he's absolutely right, everyone in this life has started this process for you, but they've all been waiting for you to finish it. Just do it, make everyone proud for once and don't be such a fuck up. Just take one step forward." "No, don't" "Do it, do it do it do it," "NO, step away at this very instant," "Do it fag, do it do it do it," "Don't listen to him Logan, No, step away now," "Fuck her, do it do it do it do it do it," _"Shut Up!" Logan shouted while bumping around, stumbling on rocks on the very edge of the small cliff he was on, "Shut Up Forever," and with his hands embedded in his hair, he tossed himself into the cold water, the sweet relief of death quickly coming to over take him soon.

The Pastor watched in horror as he succeeded, because the petite teen had in the end done it, he'd gotten rid of himself. And in all honesty, the man of god really didn't have blood on his hands; he was just voicing an honest opinion. But somewhere deep in his heart, he questioned if this was truly god's intention. What god would ever want to see someone die for embracing who they were? But, the boy was a godless fag; he had to remind himself of that always. He had done it for his son and one day, his reward in heaven would be bountiful. But as he walked back into the church to the sounds of floundering and chokes from the stream, he truly considered if there was a god. Because what god would want to hurt his own creation?

Kendall knew the woods well enough to be able to navigate them fast, but staying on a trail made it a whole lot harder. Especially a wishy-washy trail like Logan's where the only clues were light footsteps and disturbed dust. But when Kendall found the blood, the fear instantly set in with him. Why was Logan bleeding? Kendall started to race forwards when he heard the sound of the rushing stream and he saw were the path ended. Right on the edge of where the stream met the land. 

"NO," he shouted, running over to the water, "no, no, no, it can't be happening like this, just, no." Desperately, he started to search to see if the brunette had gone into it and that's when he started to hear light gasping from a distance. 

"_Paddle Logan, Paddle faster, you can do it, just remember what you've learned about it, just stay above the water." "Let go, slip down into the water and let go and forget, forget about it all, just forget." _Logan's voice was changing pitches like it always did when the voices emerged and it scared Kendall to the core. He knew that what Jo had done had affected his boyfriend, but he knew that it wouldn't have led to this. Something else had to have happened, he just wasn't sure what, but when he heard the loud gasp and then nothing, he started to run to find the petite teen and then he saw him, fighting himself on whether to stay under or not. _"You didn't even try."_

Kendall dove in, doing his best to find the beautiful boy, but immediately, Logan started to swim away from him. Then he'd stop and go the other way towards him. Then he'd swim in the opposite direction again, obviously so torn that he was losing himself and so the blonde started to go faster. Faster for his Life because the brunette was the only one keeping him alive in the first place. He wasn't going to let the only thing that mattered any more die. It wouldn't happen like this. Finally, after a long indecision on the other teen's part, Kendall caught up to him and immediately wrapped him arms around the petite brunette so he couldn't get away.

"It's all okay Kisses, It's all gonna be alright," Kendall whispered, paddling them both back over to a ledge were they could resurface.

_"No, let me go, just let him die. Let the fucker die,"_ Logan shouted, making Kendall wince with pain over anyone ever wanting his Coco hurt like that, especial his Coco himself. There was silence while Logan fought himself, but not once did Kendall ever hear his real voice. And the blonde started to ponder if Logan had really died that day after all. 

Kendall pulled the fit filled brunette onto the shore, both dripping wet when Logan started to snarl at him in pure anger, something that made the blonde want to die. _"He's gone, you hear me, he's gone forever and there's nothing you could ever do about that."_

"Just shut up," Kendall said quietly while holding Logan incase he tried anything.

"_He died in that stream, go check for yourself, you'll find him there, because he drowned like everything else," _To Kendall, this wasn't Logan, this was simply the voice and from that point forward, that's all he'd address the brunette's personality by.

"Why do you care, you wanted him dead in the first fucking place," Kendall replied to the only person that he genuinely loved, or rather, the shell of him. 

"_Because it hurts you; because you're the fucking reason it's taken this long in the first place to get here and now that I've won, I want you to know just how worthless you are. You know what, he loved you, and now he's gone and you never said it back. Hear me, you were such a pussy, you never said it and now it's too late. That's how worthless you are. Because you're worthless without him." _The voice revealed something to Kendall that he'd been trying to keep from himself still. That in a world without Logan, he had no real place. 

"You want to see how much this hurts me," Kendall said after wiping tears away quickly so the voice wouldn't see, "you can feel it with me." 

And Kendall did something that horrified himself. He punched Logan square in the face, but it wasn't Logan. He had to remind himself that who it was was that god forsaken voice that horrified him. Because Logan was dead. And this mockery that was the brunette needed to simply disappear. So he did it again. And again. And again. And then he got up and kicked him hard in the side, flipping the voice over. And he kicked him in the back when he was on his side. But the boy turned over smiling with blood staining his face. 

He spit out blood at Kendall before shouting, _"Come on, do it, I want to watch. Kill me. Push me in and watch me drown. I won't fight the current. Logan did and look what happened to him. Kill me now so I can watch you die as well."_

Kendall honestly considered it for a moment when he came up with a better punishment for who had killed his Kisses, "No, no, killing you would be much. to. Merciful. No, I'm going to send you away to the one place you hated the most." The blonde wiped the blood off his face before repining the voice down and calling nine-one-one on his phone quickly, "Hello, 911, we have an emergency here at the First Baptist Church of Jackson, yeah that one. A mental patient has, well, um, lost it. I need your help to get him back to safety." There was buzzing on the other end before Kendall concluded with, "Thank you," and hung up. "You're going back to that hospital where they're gonna baby you and patronize you worse than before."

"_NO!"_ the voice howled violently, "_You no good-mother fucker, how dare you do this to me, not after I won. NO. Let me go. I'll kill you. I'll find a way. I'll kill you just like I killed him. Let me g-,"_ Kendall got down to a sitting position on him and with all his strength, he punched the voice out. He could hear it, it hit so hard, and finally, he saw the voice slip into darkness. His eyes shuttered to a close and his bruised face laid there while Kendall carefully got off of him. 

And then the blonde started to cry; he started to cry hard, wiping tears away as fast as possible while trying to hold in chest crushing sobs, but he just couldn't. And he looked at the only person he could ever love and he realized that he was gone. And the blonde could try to hurt his killer all he wanted, but in the end, the killer was the brunette himself. And every time he hurt the boy, he felt a piece of himself die. So simply, while waves of pain hit him like steady bullets, he wrapped his arms around Logan and held him close for the very last time. He held him and rocked him and sang to him and kissed his cheeks and cried on him and did his best to try to act like nothing had happened. He just wasn't ready to accept it. But then, the ambulance lights appeared in the distance and he picked up the small boy. Kendall studied every part of him and just cried, knowing that he had lost anything that really mattered. So while the EMS people quickly ran out and loaded the sleeping Logan onto a stretcher, Kendall merely blankly starred forward into the distance. When the ambulance driver had said something to him, he had just nodded and went on blank, because something had changed inside him. Something integral. For, like months ago with a very different boy, something inside of Kendall Knight broke with Logan Mitchell's passing. 

His spirit. 

His will. 

His Heart. 

His Sanity. 

For in that instant of passing, Kendall had seemingly died himself. 

**Author's Note: NOT THE BIG TIME DEATH! Had to get that out. Anyways, I've only cried at two chapters of any of my own stories; Chapter 12 of LiM and this one. I've had horrible things happen in my stories, but this is always the hardest. But, because I can't really cope with Logan's possible death yet, I have to give up a the possible ending and just tell you so you don't leave me; *Spoiler* Logan may not be fully gone. The Voice has lied before. We have three more chapters. Don't jump off that chair yet; just read and see. The night is always darkest before the dawn; don't quit on me yet, it gets better. Kurt even said it. Luv ya (even if you don't particularly love me right now). XoXo.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: So, um, hi, remember me, the bitch who kinda-sorta almost killed Logan off in a Kogan story before it was fully over. Yeah, that bitch, but I made you all a promise I plan to keep. So, this chapter is all Kendall's perspective and because I know that's really annoying when it's underlined a lot, this one will have normal font, but **

***IMPORTANT*,**** this is all Kendall (or someone related) POV. **

**No Logan in this chapter though he'll show up in the next, none of his POV, but we'll get that back in the final one, so not all is bad. BTW, this is a really bizarre chapter. But have faith in me. XoXo. Luv ya.**

Kendall spent the whole day just thinking; since what had happened, it's all he could do any more without wanting to fully die. Here's how the events of the rest of that day panned out after the EMS truck.

Kendall followed the ambulance to the hospital in his own car, wanting to simply get away from the voice, but when he tried to follow his Kisses into the ward where he was being taken, he was rejected. And he recognized the nurse very well from the last time they were there. So he started to plead with the plump woman in front of him, reminding her of who the boy was and who he was and he could tell she was getting it. And he looked her deep in the eyes and again, she said no. He asked her why and she then told him this.

"The docta has instructed that you aren't allowed in there because he believes this may be ya fault and ya may not be the best thing fa him right now. He's asked me to tell you that, well, um, that ya are to neva be allowed to see the patient again. Please go home."

The woman at the nurses' station flashed a mournful smile before looking down at her paper's so she wouldn't have to face Kendall.

And the blonde was in shock.

He really had lost Logan; for real. This was no longer some pseudo dream or bizarre, alternate reality, but this was now his life. He was to never see what was left of his boyfriend and so he went into his car and just wept more. For a solid hour, he sat and cried before turning the keys in the ignition and pulling away from the hospital and speeding home. But when he got home, he couldn't even get himself to get out of the car and just sat in the seat while pondering what had happened the day before. How could he be so close to winning and then lose it all in the next instant? How could he just let the love of his life go like that? And he fell asleep with these thoughts racing through his head before he woke the next morning, still buckled in the car.

It didn't matter if he died anymore because he had already really passed away. Without Logan, he simply had no will to really live anymore. He got inside the house slowly, not caring that he had left the door wide open when he saw his father and Jo at the dinner table. And after seeing them, all that he could feel was pure disgust at how triumphant they looked.

"Kendall," Mr. Knight exclaimed, "I'm so happy your home, I was worried about you; Jo said something happened at the picnic."

"Yes, I told your father all about how we had an argument at the picnic," she said, taking a bite of her bread, "And how it's all better now. Because you Love me. Right Kendall." She smiled at him, but it seemed more like she was barring her teeth.

Everything felt like it was melting around the blonde and so he decided that he wasn't going to try to lie, he was going to tell everyone exactly how he felt. "This is all your fault isn't it. I don't know how, but you two did something to him. You hurt my love."

"Kendall Knight, I absolutely have no idea what you may be alluding t-,"

"Tell ME RIGHT NOW!" Kendall screamed, his mental state obviously deteriorating further, "What did you do. You're the only missing piece, what did you do to my Kisses."

"He's not your Kisses," Jo spat back, glaring intensely, "He's a pathetic psycho fag that you played with and tried on. He knew it just as well as I did; your father and I just did the favor of returning him for you."

Kendall couldn't believe what she had said; he had expected that they'd try something, but he thought it was just paranoid speculation. Hearing them say it was a completely different story entirely. And then something happened to Kendall that he'd only ever witnessed in another person. A different voice escaped his throat.

"_I swear to god, I'll kill either of you if you don't tell me what you did to his Kisses." _Immediately, Kendall slammed his hands over his mouth, but his glare was evident and threatening. And the pastor started to fear what was going on around him.

"Kendall," his father said, slowly getting up to go his son's side, "Are you alright."

"_Shut UP! Leave Kendall alone; he doesn't need you, he never needed you, just leave him alone so he can move on." "No, No, No, come forward old man, let him taste blood for the first time, let him hurt you." _Kendall started to grimly laugh when Jo grabbed a knife that they were using to cut fruit.

"Look," she said, standing up quickly and holding the knife out to the laughing blonde, "I don't know what you're doing, but you're going to cut this shit out right now. Stop it. Here me. Stop it now."

"No, Jo, hear me, I don't love you and I never could, because you're a cruel bitch and who ever could love someone like you must obviously be sick in the head," he finally regained his own voice, but the others he was hearing in his head wanted to do much worse to the blonde that had stolen his love. _"Lunge at her Kendall, Lunge at her and take the knife and dig it deep into her chest. Cut her heart out, cut it out so you can steal her heart like she stole yours when she hurt Coco. Finish off what she started herself." _"You know something," he responded to himself, "I'm starting to agree with you."

And with barred teeth, he dove at the blonde girl in front of him, grabbing the knife while they tussled to the ground and holding it to her neck. He felt the blood lust rise in himself while he watched her squirm under him, but his other voices advised against it completely.

"_No, don't do it, let her go. If you ever want a chance to see that beautiful face again of his, you can't do this. Going to prison or a straight jacket won't help anyone."_And then Kendall started to reconsider doing this. For starters, the girl under him was crying profusely, the first time he'd ever seen real emotion out of her in his whole life. She was pleading for her life desperately while he had the blade to her neck and then he realized something. That one day, maybe Logan would get to leave the ward and he'd never see him again if he was locked away, so slowly, he removed the object from her and slipped it into his pocket. He stood up before kicking her hard in the side and he looked over to his cowering father who was hiding next to the open front door.

"Tell me now," the blonde growled at the pastor, "Tell me what you did to him or I'll do what I was going to do to her to you." Jo was moaning on the ground while holding her ribs, but Kendall didn't care, he needed to find out what happened.

"Well, I saw him in the yard outside the church and I, I, went out to go and talk to him, and at first it was to be kindly, but when I recognized him and remembered what Jo had told me about him, I, I just wanted him gone, so, so, so I told him to jump. I told him to go away, but I never thought he'd do it. I thought he loved you too much." His father was still cowering while Kendall stood there in shock at the revelation.

"You good for nothing bastard," Kendall said, voice low all the while more intimating than before, "Give me one good reason not to slit your neck from ear to ear." _"That's the spirit Kendall, you got it. You heard what he did to him; you know whose fault it really is that Kisses is gone. Do it, make the red smiley face across his neck like he deserves."_

"Wait," his father whimpered while the blonde started to draw the knife back out, "Wait, I'm still your father and I was just trying to protect you. Can you hurt me for loving you? I did it for you, that was all, I never meant it to hurt you."

Kendall rolled his eyes, his disdain obvious on his face, "You aren't my father. You're a man who fucked a woman who left us. And she left us because of how insane you are. You aren't my father. The only connection you have to me is biological. To me, you're nothing but a piece of shit who I can't leave. " Kendall started to draw forward when he heard the sound of police sirens in the distance.

"I called the cops," Jo screamed, "And I swear to god that if you hurt either of us, I'll make sure you never see that boy again."

"_Fuck Kendall," _theblood thirsty voice shouted, _"Fuck, why didn't you kill her when we had the chance. Now what are we going to do." "Run," _the calmer voice interjected, _"Run now before they can get you. Get out of here." _

And that's exactly what Kendall did; he ran into the car and locked the doors before taking off out of the house and speeding into the distance. He put his foot to the pedal and went far, going a way he knew the cops would never expect him too. He had all the money that was left from his trips and a little of his own, so he could escape and get away. He could go hide and wait for Logan, it wouldn't be impossible, but what would be would possible would be getting caught if he didn't go refuel the car, so he pulled into a gas station quickly and got it all set up before he pulled his phone out and went to Jo's number. The thoughts in his head were still terribly muddled, but he needed her to see something of herself, so as fast as he could, he started typing.

"I wnt u 2 C what u did 2 Ksses, I want u 2 C hm in tht wrd and kno that u r the reson hes in there. Have mercy, 4 once."

He clicked send quickly when he heard the pump finish and immediately, he pulled it out and paid as fast as possible. But since it was cash, he had to go inside and the cashier of course wanted to make small talk, and it definitely was not something the blonde was up for, so doing his best to control his own mouth, he accidently spat out, _"Go die."_ He quietly walked out of the station and into his car. Putting the keys in the ignition as fast as possible, he zoomed off into the distance to go to the one place that would feel right to him again. The one place were his Kisses still somewhat existed.

Jo wasn't expecting the police sirens when they came, but she was happy to use it to her own advantage and so she lied to Kendall. Why in the world would she call the police to come get a mental patient? It would mean he could end up with the brunette again and she refused to have that. No, he needed to suffer much worse than that and she realized that he would do that if he ran away. And she also needed to protect herself from her insane boyfriend. Jo had sacrificed much too much to die at his hands and now that he was gone, she felt slightly better. Then she got the text with the Pastor standing next to her.

"I wnt u 2 C what u did 2 Ksses, I want u 2 C hm in tht wrd and kno that u r the reson hes in there. Have mercy 4 once."

And his father started to cry at the message, something that shocked the blonde girl because she thought he'd feel the best of all. They had done nothing wrong, matter-of-fact, they'd followed the bible better than most. Did the passage about Gays not read something like this:

"If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."

She had memorized that verse and she played it through her head every time Kendall would bring up his whore around her. Because she knew it was wrong and as a faithful woman of god almighty, she had to follow his word. The bible was truth, was it not; it had lasted for thousands of years, so it must be doing something right, but the man next to her started to cry hard.

"What *sob* what the hell have we done," he cried out, wrapping his arms around her, "We *sob* we killed someone. He's dead cause of us. What have we done?"

"Do you hear yourself," Jo spat back at the pathetic excuse for a man next to her, "Do you hear what you're saying. You're a pastor for god's sake; you know the bible, you know what it says about Homos, we've done his will."

"Fuck the Bible," the pastor yelled out next to her, "Fuck the Bible and Fuck Jesus and Fuck the Church and Fuck us."

"What's gotten into you," she hollered back, pushing him away from her in disgust, "Have you lost your mind as well; we're in the right here."

"What right, we've hurt another human being."

"We've gotten rid of an abomination," she said back, staring at the stair case across from her, "We'll have our reward in heaven."

"What heaven," the pastor cried out, "There's no god up in the sky rewarding people for murder. If there was, then why would anyone ever want to worship something like that? We're the executioners. We're the ones that will go to hell."

"You disgust me," she said back, nursing her hurt side, "You're supposed to be the preacher."

"No Jo," he said back from the floor, "Look at yourself, you're the disgusting one, we're the disgusting ones. You've killed your boyfriend and the love of his life. Think of how many lives you've affected. We affected." And for the first time in a long time, Jo started to reconsider her faith as well. She needed to see the boy.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: *IMPORTANT* still in Kendall POV.**

Jo walked into the clinic slowly that night, having flirted with the male nurse there enough to get in, but it wasn't as easy as she thought it would be.

"Hey good looking," she said to the man at the desk who was sorting papers quickly, "how's it going?"

"Don't you think you're being a little forward with that," the boy said, obviously young with darker skin than her own and a short hair cut, "I don't think we've met before."

"We don't have to have met for me to think you're hot," she responded, twirling her hair to try to get him to let her in without giving a name; she was probably one some kind of record after the boys previous relapse.

"You're really barking up the wrong tree right now," he responded, eyes still glued to his work and not her.

"Look," she said, reaching over the desk to read his name tag, "Carlos, Garcia, I don't care whose tree I'm barking up, I just want to go in there."

"That's all you had to say," the nurse, Carlos, said back, walking over to the door and opening it for her; she was stunned, she could just walk in?

"Wait, you don't need to know my name or who I am," she asked, putting her hands in the air.

"Look, it's late and I'm not in the mood to go into a lot of trouble," the Latino boy said while shutting the heavy door back quickly, "I'm a night intern nurse; I'm just trying to study, so if you don't mind, try not to kill anyone and leave me alone. I really don't want to be bothered right now."

Jo was still shocked, though she stopped questioning her fortune; she thought she'd seen enough hospital dramas to know that the hospital closes at like, eight and she was there at nine. Why had they let her in so freely? What if she was a psychopath? She didn't care though, because she desperately needed closure to ensure herself that the brunette wasn't dead. That she wasn't a killer and finally, she found the room that read 'Mitchell' on the door in bold black letters.

Opening it slowly, she was greeted by the boy she'd hated sitting in a rocking chair quietly, staring at the ground with glazed over eyes. "Hi," she said slowly, still slightly repulsed by his presence, but being careful not to set him off.

"_Thank God you're here," _the boy said back with a devious grin_, "I've needed someone to finish me off for a while now and the last time I tried, they threatened me with the straight jacket." _She stared in horror; this was not the boy's voice at all.

"What happened to you?" she said with a look of horror across her face.

"_We succeeded," _Logan responded laughing, _"We killed the fag together; we got rid of his stupid ass finally and damn did it take long."_

"I didn't do anything, this isn't my fault," she pleaded, not entirely convinced herself of her own argument.

"_Yeah, and we aren't in a mental ward right now," _the boy said back chuckling, _"Face it honey, you're more at fault than I am. You and that preacher man are the reason he's dead now and you know it."_

"You aren't dead," she responded, looking away, "you are right here in front of me; you're Logan Mitchell, the boy who ruined my life." There was a lot of venom in the last part of her sentence, but the brunette seemed to enjoy it that much more.

"_Ooh," _the brunette moaned out with his eyes closed, _"I love it when people like you can justify their murders with the most ridiculous solutions. Did he ruin your life. That's not really a reason to kill them though is it. Let me guess, god told you too. No, nah, that's been used, what, he was going to kill you first. That would make sense, but that would also mean you're just as crazy as me. So no, what, you killed him because you were trying to help someone else. Wait; don't tell me it's a mixture of the three." _He was laughing when Jo winced in pain at the realization that most of what he said was true, she was a killer for the most ridiculous reasons. When he read that off of her, he let out a loud hoot before finishing with, _"Hah, it is isn't it. You killed him for those stupid ass reasons."_ He laughed even harder when he saw her wipe away a tear.

"I'm innocent, I didn't kill one damn person; you're sitting right here in front of me," she stated, desperately trying to defend herself from her own judgment.

"_You are truly an actress," _Logan spat back,_ "If you think you didn't kill him, then you must be putting on a show, because I haven't seen acting like that in a while."_

"You hurt yourself, I had no part in this," she said with her nose in the air to not be able to see the boy in front of her, "All I did was tell you my feelings about it all, if you took it wrong that's your fault." Getting that out made her feel better.

"_Don't talk to me like I'm him_" the boy retorted, obviously angered at the girl's confusion,_ "He's dead, I drowned him myself as soon as you two pushed him in; if anything, you killed him with me."_ He smiled back at her before she started to tear up harder than before, her cheeks already dampening.

She started to rush for the door, desperately trying to escape the hell she had inserted herself into, "I didn't hurt him, you did, you're the killer not me!" She ran out as fast as she could, past the Nurse and out the door because she realized something very painful while talking to the crazy boy.

He was dead; she had been talking to a ghost, the shell of a beautiful creature that she had destroyed. And something hit her that scared her the most. There was only one repayment for what she had done. Blood for Blood. An eye for an eye. That's what the bible said and she still entirely believed in it.

How could she not, it had gotten her through so much else, but as she pondered it; had it really? As she drove home in her tiny car, she really looked back on her life with clear eyes. Her mother and father had had a bad divorce after her mother was caught with another man. Her dad had told her every day since then that the perfect woman was one that would 'shut up and cook.' And she'd always believed him and so after meeting Kendall, she had decided that she would do that for him. . Jo could shut up and do whatever he said as long as she was a part of his life.

Her father had always told her that that was the Christian way of things; the bible said so, it said to listen to your husband no matter what he said. It said that gay people needed to die. It said that divorce was wrong. But it also said that you could sell your daughter if she wasn't what you wanted. It said you could sleep with your children if you were worried about your bloodline. It said you could take multiple wives if one just wasn't doing it for you. It said a lot of things.

And she'd given away her life for that; a dusty old book and a drunk, lonely man she called her father. She had given away a promising life for some boy that she barely even knew out of fear of loneliness like her father. And look at the monster it had created. She was hateful and conniving, the very thing she feared the most.

And in all of the monster movies, the creature always paid for his crimes in the end. Was someone going to make her pay for her crimes? And so she made a decision that would change her life. Raiding her father's extensive pill cabinet, she knocked all of it into her purse and sat on her bed. No one would make her pay, but herself. And then she downed the first of the many bottles of pills she had collected. Her only judge would be herself.

Kendall was sitting in the cheap motel across the street from the hospital, trying to muster up the strength to do something, anything. So far, he hadn't been found, but that didn't mean he wasn't being looked for. And the voices in his head were screaming at him to do a hundred different things right now.

"_You fucked up big time Kendall, why didn't you just kill her when you had the chance. I told you too; we had the perfect opportunity and now we're being hunted."_

"_No, No, No, you did the right thing by not hurting her; think of the consequences if you had actually done it. You'd be rotting in jail by now and surely you would have ended up in a padded cell in the end."_

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Kendall said, agreeing with the reasonable voice.

"_See, even you agree with me, it's just too risky; we'll go by the hospital tomorrow and see if Logan is okay. Maybe he's better. Maybe he'll recognize you again. Maybe, maybe he-,"_

"_For once, would you be quiet; look Kendall, we need to go find him, we have to find a way."_

"_You are not allowed to make plans, you always are so rash about everything and we need time for reason. Obviously that's not a strong hold on your part." _

"_Dear god, you're doing it again, you're being a giant bitch and trying to manage us again; look, haven't you fucked us all up enough."_

"_Don't speak to me like I'm bellow you when obviously, I'm the superior one of the two of us."_

"_Three of us"_

"_Fine, but as the voice of reason, I must advise against Kendall listening to you; you're ridiculous."_

"_Fuck off, we have to go, we have to get away from here and find Logan, it's vital."_

"_Please don't listen to him Kendall, you know better than that."_

"_Fuck that other twit, let's go right now. Now!"_

"_No, no, no, no."_

"_Why the hell no"_

"_Because I said so, that's not enough reason why?"_

"Shut up, all of you, shut your damn mouths," Kendall yelled at the top of his lungs and immediately, the voices were silenced. He guessed he had more control over them than he'd previously believed; he had a lot more than Logan ever did.

How could his plan end up like this; he was simply supposed to run away with Logan, nothing more. And now, because of him, there was no Logan. He went over and turned the TV on, not wanting silence when he saw what was on the screen. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory; and what scene were they on, none other than the chocolate river. And who's beautiful, stunning eyes reminded him of seas of chocolate, but his Kisses.

His Kisses that he'd sworn to protect till the very end of time.

His kisses that he'd hold close at night and sing too when he was asleep because he was so blissful that he'd be so lucky to have someone like him.

His Kisses who'd blush and swoon every time he was around and charmed him.

His Kisses who he loved more than his own life.

And then Kendall understood the only thing left to do anymore. In a world where his Kisses no longer existed, he had no reason to either. Then the memory of the knife in his pocket came back to him. And his voices immediately piped in.

"_Wait Kendall, don't do this, let's be reasonable,"_

"_That's it, that's our path to Logan,"_

"_What path, you think that death will get him to his boyfriend; you're sadly mistaken."_

"_Ah, don't listen to that bitch Kendall; you have the chance to do something big right now."_

"_He's right, killing yourself would be big, and irresponsible, and ridiculous, and selfish. Pretty big."_

"_Look, listen to me Kendall, here's the plan, here's how to get back to Logan,"_

"_Oh dear god, not one of your ideas, didn't I silence you about this earlier," _Kendall found the voices arguing quite amusing in a bizarre way.

"_Look, call the emergency people right now, and tell them this, 'I think I'm losing my mind, I think I might kill myself,' okay."_

"_What else are you going to suggest, he actually do it."_

"_Actually yes, Kendall, do it, do it and we can end up in the ward with Logan, it'd get us in and that's what we wanted wasn't it."_

"_That's insane."_

"_We're insane dumb ass; do it Kendall and we can find him again, we can be happy."_

Kendall glared into the mirror across the room before stating simply, "I will be happy. Not you two, never you two. He's mine and I'll kill either of you if you try to steal him from me." There was silence from the other two voices. "Okay, let's do this." Quickly, he grabbed his cell phone and dialed 9-1-1 quickly and he heard the familiarity of an annoyed emergency operator.

"Nine One One, what's your emergency," the obviously ticked off woman on the other line said to Kendall.

"Um, my name is Kendall Knight," Kendall knew it was imperative that he put on a good show so she wouldn't think this was a trick, so he conjured up his voice and forced it against its will to threaten him, _"I swear to god, I'll kill you right now fucker. You'll die if you don't get off that phone."_ The blonde was doing his best to have the voice imitate what Logan's would do so often.

"Is there someone else in there with you? Are you alright?" the woman side, obviously concerned after what she had heard on the other end.

"No, no, no one else, just please, help me," he pleaded, the thought of seeing his Coco exciting him more and more, "I think I'm losing my mind."

"What? Are you still there?"

"Please, send someone immediately; I'm going to try to hurt myself soon if someone doesn't show up." Quickly, he hung up while hearing the woman panic on the other end, but it didn't matter. He was taking a big chance and so, he got up and unlocked the door before sitting back down on the bed and drawing the knife out again. Slowly, he started to cut against his wrists lightly, having no intention of killing himself, but making it appear that way. The smell of blood made him nauseous, but he was determined to finish. Too late though, because it all got to him and he passed out on the bed, never finishing the final cut.

**Author's Note: Two suicide attempts, only one will end successfully so stay for the final chapter which is next and guess who's coming back full time. Logie. Don't leave me yet, it's not over till the fat lady sings; Susan Boyle shut your lips. Because you know how much I Love big surprise endings and this has been absolutely no surprise at all. XoXo. Luv ya.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: *IMPORTANT* Logan's back, so we'll have his perspective come back into the story. Kendall's back to the underlining, sorry.**

Logan, or what was left of him, sat in the wheel chair in the doctor's office again like the time that he'd been cured, but this time, there'd be no cure at all. Logan Mitchell was dead.

"Hello Logan," the old doctor said, smiling that familiar wrinkled smile, but it was the voices turn to voice some opinions and he'd start with the insufferable old man.

"_He's dead; don't call me that."_

"Then what exactly do I call you," the doctor responded, starring at his notepad intently like he always did when the voices appeared.

"_Well, I don't know, but not that, never call me that because he's gone, forever."_

"Do you miss him?" the doctor asked quickly, jotting things down with fury.

"_I've spent months trying to kill him, what do you think."_

"Do you miss Jennifer?" the old man interrupted, writing things down quickly.

"_No, she was a sour bitch who'd always interfere when I tried to do my job; you know how annoying that is to have someone like her interfering in business that isn't hers. Thank god she's gone."_ The voice chuckled at the fact that she was officially out of his life. He couldn't stand her; she always made Logan feel so good about himself. There was only one person he hated more.

"Okay, do you miss Kendall Knight?"

"_Don't ever mention that name in my presence," _the voice spat out at the man, "_he is the reason I'm here right now. I could have been done with this fucking world and he just wouldn't. He wouldn't just let him die. Why. Who could love Logan? He was a little fag boy. He was practically a girl without any of the good parts. Why. I just don't get it at all."_

"So, you envy Kendall?"

"_No."_

"Fine, you enjoy Kendall?"

"_NO."_

"Okay, you like Kendall's presence."

"_Hell NO!"_

"You crave Kendall's presence."

"_NO! NO! NO!"_

"You love him?"

"_Yes,"_ a different voice said and immediately, life started to trickle back into Logan's eyes. A different voice had re-submerged that was still was not his own, but one that could feel mercy and apathy. _"Logan does love Kendall. Logan always will love Kendall." _

"Finally," the doctor smiled kindly, "A voice of reason."

"_I'm so happy to be back doctor, oh how I've hated being locked in that mad man's cage who's taken over sweet Logan." _

"Is he dead?"

"_Well,"_ this was important, for the first time in days, the other voice was completely silent, _"not exactly." _And the doctor smiled; he knew the exact thing that would bring Logan back to life.

Kendall hadn't died from his injuries, but his wrists were still very sore and his head still pounded because he had lost quite a bit of blood. The ambulance had arrived in time to save him and he was thankful, but after a few weeks in the hospital, he was desperate to get out and go to the ward. It was all he wanted and he was finally going to get it. Because on Saturday, December 16th, just days before Christmas, Kendall was going to receive the greatest gift of all. He was going to get to see his Kisses again. And as he was being walked into ward, his heart started to pound.

He'd kept the voices down for a long time now and he just wanted to see the love of his life; he realized something imperative, the voices were self imposed because as soon as he realized that he might see Logan again, they were gone. And good riddance to them because no matter how much they had helped him to get to where he was now he had absolutely no intention of sharing his Coco. And as soon as the nurse gave him his room, he put his bag down and started his quest through the big place. He went room by room; patient by patient until he came upon a door that had the word, 'Mitchell' placed on it in bold black letters. 

Kendall was scared though, he just wasn't ready to enter yet and see him; what if that horrifying voice was still his body's inhibitor and he got enraged at the sight of the blonde. So, instead of going in fully, he creaked the door open quietly to listen to what the boy was saying and he was delighted as soon as his voice rang in the air.

"_Where's Kendall, the doctor promised he'd be here by now and I'm so excited for Logan to see him again." "Logan's dead, how many times will I have to say it before you finally believe me on that?" "You can say it till you're blue in the face, but it won't matter because he's alive, I just spoke with him." "No, I killed him, I was there." "The only thing you killed was any sense of self importance you had left." "Why would that be." "Cause you hate that you love Kendall as much as we do." "What We?" "All three of us because as soon as Kendall's back, I'm sure it will wake Logan up." "You can't wake up a dead person." "NO, you cannot, but thank god you can wake up a sleeping one."_

Kendall was so happy to hear the second voice that he started to lean against the door for support, but it didn't work and he fell straight through, hitting the floor hard and revealing himself prematurely to the brunette in the rocking chair. Kendall stared straight into his beautiful, chocolate eyes when Logan finally opened his mouth.

"Kendall!" Logan yelped in joy at the sight of the love of his life, "Kendall, is it you, are you really here." It was the first time in a month that Logan's real voice had submerged. Cause for a month, he was dead, but with Kendall's presence after so long, somehow he had been resurrected. Because Love could do that kind of thing.

"Yeah Coco," Kendall responded with tears welling up in his eyes, "It's me, I'm back, I'm back and I swear to god, I'll never leave you again." He ran up and wrapped his arms around the beautiful brunette in the chair across from him, wanting to consume every part of him. And Logan buried himself deep into Kendall's chest. 

"Kendall" Logan started crying, "I missed you, I missed you more than you could understand, and, and, I lo-."

"No Kisses," Kendall responded, reveling in the presence of the only thing that mattered, "I love you. I love you more than I love anything else. I love you with a passion that only death can stop. And without you here with me, all I wanted was to die. I drove myself insane when I thought you were gone forever. That's how much I love you and now, now you're back in my life and every moment from now on, I want you to know that I love you."

Logan grinned, "I love you too Kendall Austin Knight, I love you more than the universe can contain."

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry what happened happened, but I'm so happy I have you back because without you, I just, I can't live." 

"Well Kendall, I'll never leave you again if you make me one promise?"

Kendall looked at Logan longingly, wanting to know his key to never losing him again, "What Kisses?"

"You'll stay with me forever." 

"And ever and ever"

"Yeah, forever and ever Kendall"

"You know I love you, don't you Coco," 

"Yeah, I think you've told me,"

"Well, just in case, I love you."

"I love you more."

"No me." 

"I think it's me."

"Well, you're kidding yourself because I absolutely love you more than anything else," Kendall said triumphantly to the boy next to him. But Logan did something very out of character next; he grabbed Kendall downwards and carefully, he pulled their lips together as lovingly as possible.

The kiss was beautiful and sweet and incredible and nice and amazing and everything good Kendall could think of. Their lips connected and immediately, Logan allowed the blonde's tongue to enter his mouth and Kendall loved it. He loved every part of Logan. And when Logan started to go back and their tongues collided, Kendall wanted to die. It was so incredible to be there in that moment. It seemed like it lasted forever.

EPILOGUE

Jo died that night in her sleep; the next day, EMS workers found her with a suicide letter full of apologies for what she'd done to the brunette. While they loaded her onto the cart to take her back for an autopsy, they found dozens of empty pill bottles. She'd overdosed over guilt.

The Pastor, having lost his son, stopped caring about life and instead started taking up habits to numb himself. He took up drinking and abandoned his house, going town to town bar hopping, always shit-faced and sorrowful. He could never live down what he did and later was paralyzed from the waist down in a car accident. He ended up turning his life around and sponsors a no hate church group in upstate Minnesota.

Jennifer had a break down when she discovered that Logan had left, but she kept it to herself; later on, she tried to hang herself and was barely stopped by Fender who said his first words in seven years. She was sent back to the ward were Logan and Kendall were now, and later Fender followed, requesting a move by his doctor who realized that the girl was his only sanity. Now happily, the four all are good friends and share almost every moment they have of the day together. The nights were private for both couples. Fender proposed to Jennifer a year after they arrived and they're set to get married in a few months.

Stephanie ended up learning to recoup back into society and decided to take up Logan's dream of being a doctor to help the mentally ill. At the moment, she is an intern in the ward with Logan, Kendall, Jennifer and Fender. She's set to soon be Kendall's main therapist when she graduates in two weeks.

A certain very busy intern, Carlos, finally became a doctor and moved to L.A. because the rest of his family lived there. But of course going to a big city was confusing and he got lost one night with friends. Wandering the streets, he ran into a certain tall, tan hooker who was off for the night. James the hooker, having flash backs of a very different boy who needed his navigation services, decided to take Carlos home, again, free of charge. James slept over that night, and he didn't leave in the morning. Slowly, the oddly matched pair fell in love and four years later, they got married. James now works to get kids off the streets and away from the life of selling sex; Carlos is an award winning doctor. They're going to finally adopt their daughter in a year.

Lucy and the rest of the house members moved on successfully and a new batch of mentally ill patients reside in the Schizophrenic/Schizoid/Schizotypal were they are waiting to see if they can make it as well. So far, the program's least successful batch was Logan's group.

But, after years of being together, Kendall and Logan never got tired of each other; they would stay in that ward for the rest of their lives with their friends and doctors and so on. And the voices never came back to either of them because of the true love they shared with each other. Because love does not know race, gender, disabilities, problems, pain, or illness. Love is something beautiful, a gift that only itself can be replicated. Love only knows Love. And love can bring what was dead in people back to lives, no matter how fucked up it may be. Love is True Perfection.

"Hey Kisses," Kendall started, "how are you doing right now?"

"I'm right next to you Kendall, what do you think," Logan responded smiling while flipping through his picture book; he loved Kendall so much.

"What do you want to do today?"

"I don't know. Maybe we could go to the library."

"Well, thank god I have my library card because I'm totally checking you out."

"Kendall!"

"What, I thought you liked that."

"I like you, but I think you just like making me blush."

"Maybe I do hot stuff."

"Huh, sometimes I wonder how I can stand you."

"It's cause you love me."

"Yeah. It is"

"If you were a burger at McDonald's you'd totally be the McGorgeous." "That was super cheesy Kendall." "Hey, I like cheese." "I like you." "Who wouldn't"

"Wow, way to be vain blondie"

"I'm just being honest."

"Then let me honestly say, I love you."

"I love you to Kisses" *kiss*

**Author's Note: Ah! I told you guys it'd end bitter sweet and that everyone would get what's coming to them. And I decided to give James and Carlos a happy ending because honestly, I just wanted too. After so much sadness, I just needed to write something happy for once. I really hoped you liked it because it's my first story of mine that I actually like. You all were the best audience and after all my mistakes, you never quit me. Please, Please, Please Review and tell me if you liked it ending happy; it means a lot and I want to know how it was. I hope you can read my newest on-going that I'm posting the second chapter too after this; try my channel, its called 'Colorless Color.' I'm really hoping it can be half as good as this. Still, I have faith that you'll stick with me; you guys are just that awesome. I love you all so Frickin Much. See you Next Time. XoXo.**


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